Above and Below

[elainsie]

Landaras woke to a parched mouth and burning throat. Through bleary eyes he fumbled for the glass of water on the bedside table and was rather concerned to see his hand so unsteady, water slopping over the sides leaving marks on the fur wrapped tightly around him. Quickly the water was downed however it seemed to have done little to quench his thirst, the dry feeling still remaining despite the moisture consumed. His body ached too much for him to get out of bed and get some more, instead he lay back against the pillows, trying to soothe the throbbing in his head and remain as still as possible so as to not intensify the pain further. It was as he lay in this capacitated state the door to his room creaked open, and a rather serious Linae entered. Her expression however lightened somewhat when she noticed the empty glass by the Lord Holder's head and his open eyes.

"Thank Faranth," she proclaimed loudly before making her way over to Landaras and placing a hand on his head. "You don't feel warm anymore either, that's a very good sign."

Through his parched throat he stammered out a request for more water, for which Linae quickly went off to do. However when she returned she ensured he took only small sips. "You don't want to drink too much, too quickly. It will only make you feel worse," and she held the cup up to his head, having propped him up on a number of pillows.

"What...was...wrong..with..me?" He managed to rasp out once the water was finished, the thirst relieved for the time being, as he lay back against the bed. The last thing Landaras could remember was feeling a little bit warm, the startings of perhaps a cold or flu, however as was his nature he had pushed on. He did not have time to get sick so he had relied on his body to cope. However it seemed perhaps he had pushed just a little too far.

Linae smoothed the covers of the bed before replying, "You developed a chest infection, and with it a fever. The Master Healer is of the opinion had you taken to bed when you first felt it coming on now of this would have happened," Linae pursed her lips. "Now your awake I'll have him visit again to make sure the worst is over, but I have something to tell you first. I debated whather waiting until you were completly well but it does not seem right to withold such a thing...."

"Withold what? What are you talking about, just tell me already," Landaras tried to sit up again but the effort was too much, "Please," he added.

Linae shook her head briefly twisting her fingers in her hand, "I had news from the Weyr, Ayeda asked for you but you were too feverish too understand let alone leave your bed. This was probably a three days ago, wait Landaras," she pushed a hand against the man's chest as he tried to sit up again. "I know you feel responsible for her and your child," Landaras had told Linae all after the late night meeting, it was to be common knowledge soon enough, "But your still not nearly well enough to leave Kijuju. Aside from the one message there was nothing else, not even when we replied telling her you were ill and indispoed."

Landaras cursed the lassitude that overwhelmed him, anxious to know what Ayeda had wanted him for. It surely could have been nothing good, for why had she not been able to come to the Hold and tell him here? Pushing back sweat darkened hair he nodded his head, and then stopped suddenly as the pain became overwhelming. "You're right of course Linae, I can hardly move without some part of me aching, and yet I highly doubt she would have asked for me had it not been something of great importance." He heaved a sigh, it was such an inopportune moment to be sick, and he cursed his body silently for letting him down.

"Just concentrate on getting better, ok? You had us very scared there," Linae admitted, her eyes sprakling with unshed tears at the memory. Landaras was as dear to her as a brother and it had seemed rather ironic that mere days after informing her that Kijuju was to have an heir he had fallen so gravely ill. "If you like I can try and send a letter to Ayeda and see if the issue has resolved herself, or if your feeling up to it, maybe you could write yourself?"

Landaras refrained from shaking his head this time but declined nonetheless. "I don't think my writing would be very legible at the moment, would you mind doing it for me, please?"

"Of course, think nothing of it, I'll go find Renika to check on you and then I'll use Hakit (Linae's bronze fire lizard) to deliver the message to FYr Amenti. You just rest a bit until Renika arrives." She kissed her cousin's cheek giving the man a warm smile, before slipping out of the room.

[Desert]

Skolth was woken from his midday nap by a bronze fire-lizard perching on his eye ridge, chirping proudly at his accomplishment at finding the right ones. Xeal looked up in mild amusement at his disgruntled brother and coaxed Hakit onto his own muzzle to find out what the little fellow was about. Mythra, from where she was draped across Xealnaveth's brow, hissed resentfully at the flitter, but no one payed the sleepy cion much attention.

You have a message from the Hold, MyEda,[/b][/color] he informed His mildly.

Ayeda promptly appeared at her bonded's shoulder and, with Xeal's help, got Hakit onto her arm so she could retrieve the message. She fed the little bronze a tidbit from the meatroll she'd been half-heartedly chewing on as a reward; he creeled happily and rubbed his head against her hand. While Ayeda was close by, Mythra took the opportunity to slither from Xeal's head onto her human's shoulders and proceeded to pretend to be a silver-gilt white scarf. Ayeda absently stroked the alpha cion's scaly flank as she retreated back into her weyr to read the message.

Landaras was recovering, that was good news. She had thought, several days ago, to escape Verna's consistent and well-meaning, if slightly annoying, attentions with a visit to the Hold. Xeal had used a quick mind-touch to see what Landaras had been doing, but he had sensed the man's illness. Ayeda, concerned, had sent a message up to Kijuju, since she didn't think if Landaras really was that ill that he would be up to receiving her. She'd apparently been right, by the brief reply she'd gotten. So she had been waiting to get word from the Hold that he had recovered, since she didn't want to pester them too much.

It might be easier, rather than relying on messages transferred between flit and aide before they get to him, that we contact him directly,[/b][/color] Xeal suggested as Ayeda pondered how to phrase her reply. At her surprise, the big hybrid snorted. It's much faster, and easier and uses less energy. I will contact him.[/b][/color]

Xeal reached out a telepathic tendril toward Landaras' mind. He had touched the man's thoughts enough to recognize him among the multitude of other minds at the Hold, even through the distortion of illness. Lord Landaras. It is well you are feeling better, EdaMine was beginning to get concerned.[/b][/color] He paused, taking in the extent of Landaras' condition. But it seems that you are still ill. My apologies.[/b][/color]

Ayeda's brow furrowed as she took in her bonded's words. "How sick is he still, Xeal?"

It seems like he is still feverish and sore. It's giving me a headache touching his mind,[/b][/color] Xeal reported with a little mental wince of sympathy.

She bit her lip in indecision, and in a completely absentminded gesture that was becoming habit, she folded one arm across her abdomen. Xeal saw what she was debating and cocked his head to one side contemplatively. No, Xeal, if he's still that sick, we shouldn't barge in. Let the Healers and his people take care of him, and when he's feeling better, then we can drop in.

Xealnaveth nodded obediently and reopened the mental connection to Landaras so he could hear what he was trying to say in reply.
[/size]

[elainsie]

"Well this is certainly an improvement," Master Healer Renika bustled into the room, an apprentice hurrying behind the squat man with an armful of assorted paraphenalia. Renika cross over to Landaras and did a full examination of surface anatomy and chest, tutting all the while as he did so. "Yes, Linae was right," he muttered out loud. "I believe the worst is over, but it'll will probably be another 3 days, at least, and this I stress is the very minimum, before you'll be feeling somewhat your old self again. And this of course is depedent on how obedient a patient you are." The man narrowed his eyes and fixed them upon Landaras as if he was a small boy caught in the act of a misdemeanour. "I have taking the liberty to impose an order upon you, no one is to approach you about any Hold matters for the next seven day. Linae and Jamison are more than capable to take over until you are well again, anything that expressily requires you can surely wait at least a week."

Landaras started to protest, a whole week on top of the week he had already been out. Impossible, he could not afford the luxury of wallowing in bed, "You know I really am feeling quite better," he tried again to get out of bed, fighting the grimace of pain from his protesting joints.

Renika shook his head, "You can't lie to me Landaras, Lord Holder you may be but you're certainly not the first patient to pull such a stunt, to be honest I thought you were more intelligent than this," a ghost of a smile flitted across the Master Healer's face. "And no matter how supposedly 'good' you feel now you will feel that much better in a few days with bed rest. I will check up on you twice a day to ensure you are heeding my orders and I don't doubt Linae and Jamison would be more than happy to help me ensure this. Understand?"

Letting out an exasperated sigh Landaras gave a short nod, what else was there to do? He rather felt as if he was being held hostage in his own Hold and yet the opposition against him was rather imposing.

Satisfied that his patient would behave Renika exited the room, the apprentice still trailing behind him. It was as this moment that Xealnaveth opened the mental link. It's nothing that won't get better with time, but thank you, thank you both for your concern. I hope the two of you are faring much better than I." However the brief touching of minds did little to alleviate the headache. I'm sorry I was unavailable to Ayeda when she wanted me. Now is probably not the best time to come, for which I apologise, but in a few days or so I should be well enough. Maybe they will even let me go to the Weyr, I can see being shut up in my room becoming all too tedious after a while.

[Desert]

A sevenday had passed since Xealnaveth had contacted Landaras, and Ayeda had made plans to visit the Hold. She probably hadn't needed to wait an entire sevenday -- knowing Landaras he had probably been up and about as soon as the Healers allowed him -- but she'd wanted to give him time to deal with whatever business he'd had to suspend while he was ill.

She went to gather up Xeal's fighting straps -- he had insisted lately that they use them for every flight, regardless of the circumstances. Ayeda had submitted to her stubborn hybrid's insistence with a roll of her eyes and the occasional complaint that it was like they were weyrlings again, which Xeal had completely ignored. If it wasn't for the fact that he flatly refused to take off with her on his back without the harness, she wouldn't have obeyed the edict. Most of her objections were half-hearted, anyway, since she knew he only did it out of concern for her. As Ayeda held the jumble of leather in her arms and walked out to the ledge where Xeal waited patiently to be harnessed, she was given pause by a growing ache in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't morning sickness, as it was the middle of the afternoon and her stomach only acted up in the morning and evening, and it wasn't anything she'd eaten that would upset her system; she'd never been an especially unhealthy eater, and had lately been even more watchful of her diet. What could possibly be causing abdominal cramps? Not a menstrual cycle, she'd left those behind two months ago.

Confused, she folded one arm over her still-flat stomach. Xeal turned toward her and lowered his head, gently touching the tip of his muzzle against her hand. What's wrong?[/b][/color] he asked, concern staining his eyes with shades of violet. The fact that she was completely ignorant of the cause for this sudden pain was enough that Xeal promptly summoned the Weyrhealer. It could be nothing, or it could be serious.

The Healer, through Xeal, bid Ayeda come to the infirmary if she was able. Xeal tried to make her just go back to her weyr and he would get the Healer to her, but she waved him off and descended into the Lower Caverns. It would be easier for the Healer to treat her with the tools of her trade close at hand, rather than having to send 'prentices back and forth. Though the journey was fairly short, Ayeda was intensely grateful when she made it and the Healer ushered her to a cot, as the pain was getting no better. It had intensified -- the sensation was akin to a glowing hot blade being stabbed into her abdomen -- and spread, affecting her lower back as well, though not as severely.

As she explained these symptoms to the Healer, the older woman nodded sagely. She went on to inquire of Ayeda information elaborating on her pregnancy, and a few questions about medical histories. Ayeda found concentrating on the Healer's words a welcome distraction from the increasing discomfort in her lower abdomen. The Healer went to perform a quick check, explaining as she did what she was fairly certain was going on.

Disappointment and sadness warred with the pain in Ayeda's mind. "I'm going to lose the child?" she asked; whatever she had been about to say dissolved into a grimace of pain.

"It appears so," the Healer replied sympathetically. "Usually this sort of thing happens before you even know you're pregnant and it's passed off as an odd bleeding, but sometimes we get cases like this where the pregnancy is confirmed when it miscarries."

Will this be harmful to her?[/b][/color] Xeal demanded. Ayeda could detect the worry behind the big hybrid's words that perhaps the Healer couldn't, buried as it was by the sharpness of his tone.

The Healer assured Xealnaveth that after what was in Ayeda's womb was expelled, everything would be perfectly fine and she could even try again if she felt so inclined. That was a relief to Ayeda, but only a marginal one compared to the blow of losing this one. Landaras -- oh Faranth. It was a double-blow in that he would be losing his heir. Through another wince, Ayeda rested her hand on her stomach, gazing at it sadly.

Xeal waited out in the Bowl -- being too big to get into the infirmary complex -- tail twitching convulsively. He considered alerting Landaras, but decided to wait until it was all over with. He grew increasingly agitated as his rider's pain grew, though the Healer quickly gave her a deconcoction to reduce the pain. When it was all over, the Healer let her apprentices clean up the bloody mess, and instructed Ayeda to be vigilant for the next sevenday or two, in case an infection developed.

Ayeda returned to her weyr, weary from the ordeal and uncharacteristically depressed. She curled up with Xeal on his couch and clutched her bonded close while he hummed consolingly; she let her grief run its course while taking comfort from the one in the world she loved the most. The big hybrid was too busy comforting His to recall the mental note he'd made to tell Landaras of this unexpected turn of events, and Ayeda in her distress was unwilling to give him the bad news. Once she had come to terms with it, then she would tell him.

However, it seemed that fate was conspiring further against them, as not long after that Ayeda fell ill. The possible infection that the Healer had warned of became reality, and the duvaliarider took another trip to the infirmary, though this time carried by a few strong Healers and escorted by a very worried Xealnaveth. The big hybrid languished out on the Bowl floor again, up against the wall that framed the Lower Caverns' entrance, waiting and hoping with eyes wheeling in clashing shades of purple and yellow. Finally he remembered about Landaras, and reached out to the Hold Lord, slightly frantic. He knew Landaras could do nothing, nor could Xeal himself, but he wanted to feel like he was doing something.

Landaras, I hope you are not busy. MyEda is very ill. The Healers say the child miscarried. I do not know. Something went wrong. You should know.[/b][/color] The duvalia's usual calm demeanor was fractured, his mind-voice nearly a whimper, and typical of hybrids under stress, he had reverted to more stilted and simplistic speech. This was not the Xealnaveth everyone was used to, for it was highly unusual for him to show it if he was stressed.
[/size]

[elainsie]

The words had hardly left the MasterHealer's lips before Landaras was out of his bed and resuming his role as Lord Holder. It was not that he did not think Linae and her husband were incompetent, quite the contrary, but he was a man who liked to be doing things. Remaining idle in bed for days on end was, for him, a torture and while he did overtax himself at times the Kijuju Lord Holder would really have it no other way.

A few days had elapsed since he had been given the all clear. Originally Landaras had decided to spend the day in his office writing all replies to the letters required of him. However one look out the window quickly dispelled this notion. Summer was drawing to a close and it seemed too beautiful a day to remain cooped up inside while the weather still remained fine. After all he could think of a number of tasks to occupy him outdoors, starting with seeing how his most newly appointed Holder was faring. And the MasterHealer had said time outside would help Landaras to make a complete recovery.

Leaving the missives for another day Landaras made his way to the stables where an apprentice Beastcrafter was watching over his charges. The young man was eager to help Landaras and while the Lord Holder was quite capable in setting up his own beast he thought it more diplomatic to allow the apprentice to continue with the task rather than make a fuss.

"Thank you," he nodded to the younger man as he threw a leg over the back of the animal and seated himself. Although and towards the perimeter of Kijuju Hold, the runner was young and built for speed, and the pair made good time as they reached the cothold. The exchange lasted a little over a candlemark, the Holder seeming to have adapted to his new position remarkably well, those who worked for him happy with the new appointment. Contented that everything was fine Landaras bid farewell and had just mounted his runner once again when the agitated words of Xealnaveth filtered inot his consciousness.

He felt something sink into the pit of his stomach at the hybrid's first words. Eda was sick? What was wrong with her, did it have something to do with the child? With the hybrid's next words confirming this he turned his runner to the direction of the Weyr. The Hold was close enough that it made more sense for him to ride rather than wait for a dragon or hybrid to transfer him.

By the time they arrived, the runner's sides heaving with exertion due to the pace maintained, Landaras had gone through any number of scenarios in his head, the niggling guilt have gorwn in intensity as he rode closer to the Weyr. Aside from telling Xealnaveth he was on his way to Fyr Amenti had not kept in contact with the hybrid on the ride. However now they were at Fyr Amenti he realised he needed Xealvaneth's help to locate Ayeda. Was she in her room, in the infirmary? Neither were familiar places to him. He had never been sick at the Weyr or in need of patching up and he had never been to Ayeda's private weyr.

Landaras looked around to try and find someone who may know but for once it seemed the Weyr was almost deserted, the only people he saw those mounted on dragons and hybrids high up in the sky above him.

[Desert]

Xeal was slightly surprised that Landaras would come to the Weyr so promptly, and with such urgency, but that was fine by him. At least the man was showing some interest, and for more than just the now-dead child's well-being. The big hybrid took some consolation from Landaras' obvious concern and kept one eye on the rim to spot the Hold Lord. Since Landaras hadn't asked for transport -- which he would have been more than willing to give -- Xeal assumed that he had his own way to get there.

Sure enough, not long after that a rather exhausted runner appeared and was reined in just before it and its rider tumbled all ninety or so meters down into the Weyrbowl. Xealnaveth heaved himself upright and flapped quickly up to where Landaras was, ignoring the fact that his approach spooked the high-strung young runner. The big hybrid bid one of the weyrfolk on a trip above ground to see to Landaras' runner, and crouched to let the Holder climb aboard.

Once Landaras was settled, Xeal turned and dropped into the Bowl cavern, gliding to land right in front of the Lower Caverns. The infirmary complex is on the second offshoot to the left of this main tunnel,[/b][/color] he told Landaras. I don't know if the Healers will let you in, but it's worth a shot.[/color] He watched the Lord Holder until he turned a corner and was lost to sight, then heaved a deep sigh of worry as he settled down to resume his anxious vigil. He hated not being able to be in the room with His, but it was physically impossible. At least someone could be there with her.

A Healer apprentice met Landaras at the door. The stripling 'prentice was surprised to see a Hold Lord of all people, and allowed him into the room with a nervous half-bow. The senior Healer looked up, irritated at first that her student had let someone in, but when she saw who the visitor was she merely nodded and went back to what she had been doing. Grinding up a dried herb, she slipped the resulting powder into another container that already had a number of other substances in it, which she mixed into a mug of water. "Lord Landaras," Healer Jylan greeted calmly. "I take it you're here because Xealnaveth summoned you. Ayeda is lucky that Xeal is who he is -- most hybrids, if their riders were in this state, would have gone berserk by now. Farllin, be careful how you mix that deconcoction." The apprentice in question made a show of very gingerly pouring a thick, dark liquid from its jug into a larger jug.

ooc; and Melpomene promptly disappears. -sigh-[/size]

[elainsie]

This time Landaras did not take in the scenery as they descended, barely knew he was in the air as Xealnaveth took him to the Weyrbowl. He wish he knew just how sick Ayeda was. And had it been the sickness that had made her lose their child, or their child that had made her sick? It was the latter that brought him a good deal of concern. If not for him Ayeda would more likely than not be in this situation. If Landaras had taken the offer to return to his Hold when the flight took place they would now not be thrusted into these circumstances.

The Lord Holder dismounted a hand lingering on Xealnaveth in thanks as he bowed to the dragon. He dipped his head as the dragon spoke and with long-legged gate he made his way as the hybrid had instructed to the infirmary.

Landaras had not even begun to form a reason to explain his presence, words that were so readily available to him, having fled. Luckily it seemed he did not need to talk his way into the room the apprentice leading him, the senior Healer giving him a mere glance before returning to the work at hand. The room smelt of the clean scent of redwort with a more subtle hint of something of which Landaras could not identify.

Now that he was here what did he expect to do? He glanced over at the ashen face of Ayeda and felt that strange lurching feeling again, something he decided must be guilt. Would she want him here even if she was in a state to realise his presence? What could he possibly say? And perhaps the most worrying question of all, would he have a chance to say anything? Would she get better?

He rubbed a hand across his eyes wearily, and nodded in response to the Healer's statement. "Yes, I am here because Xealnaveth sent me. How bad is she? What happened to make Ayeda so ill?" His grey eyes searched the Healer for answers but she was too busy attending to her duties to meet his eyes.

Landaras watched at the apprentice preparing the concotion with little interest, feeling very uneasy. "Is there anything I can do to...help?" Even as he phrased the question he knew how lame it sounded. Surely those that could help were already doing all the could. He on the other hand was a hindrance, something he could not bear to be, and he was turning around to retreat the way he came when the Healer began to answer his questions.

[Desert]

Jylan was cradling Ayeda's head in one hand and holding the mug to her lips with the other, and was concentrating enough on her task that although she was listening to Landaras' words, she didn't reply until the entire, syrupy contents of the mug had been swallowed. "The child she carried spontaneously aborted several days ago. Usually, when that happens, there's no problems and everything is expelled, and life can go on; however, on occasion something may stay in the woman's body and cause an infection, which is what happened here. We're treating her with something that will, if all goes as planned, get her body to purge itself of whatever's in there festering. If that doesn't work, the only thing to do is surgery." Jylan added that last sentence with a touch of reserve, as she turned to look Landaras straight in the eye. Even though improvements had been made to medicine since AIVAS' discovery, many people were still mistrustful of surgical procedures.

"And I won't lie to you, Lord Holder. If it gets to the point where surgery is the only option, it may be too late. Right now her fever is higher than we're comfortable with, even with a strong dose of featherfern in her system, and that's not the only potentially fatal symptom." She glanced over her shoulder as Ayeda shifted weakly. The duvaliarider's eyes opened and she peered blearily about, confusion touching her features for a moment.

MyAyeda,[/b][/color] Xeal crooned, relieved. She had been unconscious or at least in a deep stage of sleep for some time, much to his dismay, for even though he knew she still lived, not being able to hear her tell him she would be fine was highly unsettling.

Jylan eyed her patient, glad that for once she didn't need to gently push the younger woman back onto the bed. Ayeda's condition had finally fully caught up with her, and she felt too weak to even try to sit up. Xeal, m'love. Hush now. I'm still here. I won't leave you, Ayeda soothed, sending her bonded a wave of reassurance and love. Poor, brave Xeal. She opened her eyes again, for they had slid half-shut while she was communicating with Xealnaveth, and tried to bring to mind how long it had been since she had fallen ill. It felt like an eternity, and if her current state was anything to go by, it would be another eternity before she recovered. Ayeda firmly refused to contemplate what would happen if she didn't recover -- not only would it make Xeal even more agitated, but it was pointless. She would recover. She would fight this infection like she did any human opponent. Going into a fight expecting defeat was guaranteeing that she would lose, so she thought only of ensuring victory.

"Awake again, are we?" Jylan inquired, a touch of wryness to her tone that even sick as she was Ayeda appreciated. She really did like Jylan: the older woman was gentle and understanding with her patients, and helped keep their spirits up throughout their infirmities with her ample humor. "You're looking more bright-eyed than you were yesterday. Here," the Healer said, holding a glass of water to Ayeda's lips. As thirsty as she was, Ayeda eagerly drank to Jylan's satisfaction.

Jylan set the glass aside and turned, as if just now remembering Landaras was present, and smiled sympathetically at the man. "M'lord, you aren't in the way, at least not yet. Stay if you wish. That's why those chairs are there." She pointed to a row of chairs set against the wall next to the door. "If you need anything, collar one of my lazy apprentices, they'll be able to fetch food or drink." If she knew the expression Landaras wore, she knew he would want to hang around and keep tabs on Eda himself, but was afraid that he would hinder the Healers. It was a sentiment she encountered frequently, and Jylan found it easier to let the worriers stay where they could see their loved one, but where they would be out of the way; it eased their nerves, and kept them from popping in and out and becoming a nuisance. However, that didn't mean she would let him hang around twenty-four seven, for he surely had other demands on his attention as a Lord Holder.
[/size]

[elainsie]

The Lord Holder's eyes darted from the door to the chairs indicated by the Healer, contemplating the choice. He could stay and apologise to Ayeda, make sure that nothing more untowards occurred to her, though in all honesty there was little he could do to prevent such an occurrence at the time being, or he could leave and terminate any further contact with the duvalia rider from this point on. However as Ayeda stirred the decision was made for him, she would have seen him by now, and to leave would be seen as rude. Walking to the war he settled himself on the edge of the chair, wrapping his long legs around the front two of the chair.

He wanted to go over to her when he saw her eyes open and say...something...what exactly? An apology certainly, condolscenes perhaps? But surely that was not enough for a situation like this. Landaras, the man that always had words for his Holders, could not begin to form a coherant sentence to express how his own emotions. Luckily he was prevented from having to try by Jylan tending to Ayeda, hoping that in the intermittent time the right words would come to him. He did not like to feel less than in control, however it seemed the longer his association continued with Ayeda the more so the case.

OOC:It's short and ick but it's out

[Desert]

Jylan drifted away from Ayeda's bed to keep an eye on her apprentices, who were busy preparing some of the more common and in-demand remedies that there never seemed to be enough of; for the moment, while the drug they had given her went to work, there wasn't much else they could do other than make her as comfortable as possible. So, since she was fairly stable and alert, Jylan was comfortable giving her an approximation of privacy with Landaras. She didn't know what the relationship was there and didn't care to find out, but it was a point of courtesy anyway, and helped put the patients and their visitors at ease if they could converse.

An extra pillow or two had been tucked under Ayeda to prop her up so she wasn't completely supine on the cot. Wanly, the duvaliarider tried to summon a smile to her lips. Landaras' sudden arrival had been a surprise -- she hadn't expected Xeal to remember about him, much less go fetch him or whatever he'd done. She wished Xeal hadn't summoned the Lord Holder; though not vain, she really didn't want anyone -- much less Landaras -- to see her in this state. Still, it was touching that he'd come, when he would probably still be busier than usual with the work that had been put aside while he'd had his own battle with illness.

His silence was odd, Ayeda thought; but then again, it was a slightly awkward situation, so maybe she shouldn't be so surprised that he didn't appear to know what to say. "Landaras... thank you for coming," she finally said, in a voice rough and weak from illness. "I'm sorry that... that this had to happen." Pain that had less to do with her body's predicament made itself known in her expression and tone. It wasn't the infection that weighed the heaviest on her spirit; that was a trivial thing, compared to the loss of the child. It was an emotional blow, at least to her, and a blow to Landaras' future as well, for now he was again without an heir.

Outside, Xeal crooned for His. The big hybrid was pressed up against the wall, the tip of his muzzle poking into the tunnel; that was as close as he could get, since if he tried actually going into the tunnel he'd quickly get stuck, and block traffic. It was absolutely maddening that he was separated from his bonded, now when she needed him the most.

ooc; -sigh- at least it's a post. i wasn't expecting much, the way Melpomene has been behaving.

[elainsie]

Landaras gaze followed the Healer's actions until finally she walked out leaving the pair together. And yet now they were alone the words were no closer to coming out, so it was a relief when Ayeda spoke first. At least until he regsistered what she was saying.

Shaking his head at her words, Landaras felt another pang of guilt as he looked over at the propped up Duvalia rider. The vitality she usually showed had been sapped away by her illness, and he was the root cause of it. And yet it was she who was apologising to him, not the other way round. He knew then he would have to be honest.

"You have absolutely no reason to apologise. What has happened is awful, but if anyone is to blame, it's me." He paused for a moment, trying to phrase the words he was to say next in his head, but soon gave up when he realised there was no way to improve upon them. "When I came to the Weyr that day, when Xealnaveth did not catch the Queen who rose, I had already decided that my heir was to be of dragonrider lineage. And to be honest, had another approached me before you had, perhaps it would be they lying here now, while you continued on with your life. So you see none of this is your fault, not even in the slightest and I would be somewhat less than a man to sit here listening to you apologise especially considering the harm it has inflicted upon you. The Healers do say you will get better though, don't they?" What would happen if she never completely recovered? And then a more awful thought came into his head, if anyone found out, if perhaps Jylan overheard what he had just said and passed it on to the Weyrleaders, what would this mean for his hard-won friendship between Hold and Weyr.
It was obvious he had not thought out the ramifications fully when making the decision, perhaps Landaras had been a little naive in expecting everything would go smoothly and he would finally have an heir to still the tongues of his Holders.

The whole situation made his head pound, on top of the rawness he was already feeling but could not express. It was curious how he could feel the loss of something intangible, for had Ayeda not told him there would have been no way of knowing it had existed for such a breif period of time.

"I'm sorry Ayeda, I wish I could offer more than words to help you, but that's all I have. I think perhaps it's best for both you if I leave you alone in the future. If I do see you I promise to be polite, but in no way will I interfere with your life again." He rose off the chair in a fluid movement. "However if you do ever need me for anything, please don't hesitate to ask, or have Xealnaveth send for me. Whatever you want that I can give, it's yours."

[Desert]

Ayeda eyed Landaras with a mildly perplexed expression. Surely he wasn't blaming himself for this? True, if the child had not been conceived then there would not have been a miscarriage, but other than his genetic donation to the embryo he really hadn't had much to do with any of it. Not that Ayeda was blaming herself either -- the miscarriage had happened by chance; a bad mix of genetics. That's what the Healers all knew. Every now and then a child would be conceived with genes that, for one reason or another, couldn't support life.

But going by the guilt that she saw flicker across the Hold Lord's expression, he did truly hold himself responsible for this setback. The fool. All Ayeda could summon in the way of expressing her opinion of his misplaced guilt was a weak snort and a quirked eyebrow. "Landaras, you are being a fool. It's no more your fault than mine, so please do me a favor and get that notion out of your head," she stated firmly. She didn't bother to comment on his confession of his intentions that day -- her levels of tact were running low lately. Ayeda glanced briefly at the Healers in the room and was reassured to note that they seemed to be completely ignoring the conversation. of course, she'd known Jylan for a long time, and she knew that the soft-spoken older woman was anything if discreet.

At Landaras' final question, Ayeda returned her full attention to him and suppressed a sigh. "From what I've been told, if whatever they're treating me with works, I should make a full recovery soon enough." She paused, then decided to give him the full truth as she'd been informed. He did rather deserve to know. "They haven't told me what happens on the off chance the medicine doesn't work. I can guess, though, and you probably can too." Ayeda set her features into a stoically indifferent expression and kept her tone matter-of-fact.

In the abstract, she didn't particularly fear death. What bothered her was that if she did succumb, she would probably meet her end in a similar position to how she was at that moment: supine on a bed, barely strong enough lift her head. Admitting defeat that way just rubbed her the wrong way: Ayeda was never one to lay down and let death come. Besides the fatigue and discomfort caused by the infection, the main thing she disliked about her situation was feeling so dependent, vulnerable and weak.

Outside, Xeal crooned soothingly to His when he sensed her discontent. MyEda, even in your condition, I think you could still break some of the young idiots around here in half with ease. The Weyr is lucky this happened, really -- gravid females of any species are not creatures I would willingly cross.[/b][/color]

A faint smile came to the hybridrider's lips. Sweet, clever Xeal; he always knew what to say. He had more tact than many fullblooded dragons she knew.

The big hybrid's next words were directed toward Landaras. So you expect us to forget about it? That might be easy for you to say, Lord Holder; you were blissfully ignorant for some time and still remained aloof even when you knew. But making us put this loss behind us and go about or lives as if it was nothing is cruel and unfair. Would you want to disregard the memory of your offspring if it was as much a part of you as Yours? Just like you can't fully fathom what it is to have a bondmate, I don't think you understand what Mine is experiencing with this miscarriage. Telling her to act like the life she carried -- the life you helped spawn -- was nothing more than a mistake is quite possibly the most heartless thing I've heard you say.[/b][/color] Even though distance and solid limestone walls separated the two humans from Xealnaveth, the duvalia still managed to give off the impression that he was giving Landaras a hard, severe stare.

You may not have said any of that in words, but I heard it in your thoughts, Landaras. You acted impulsively in the heat of the moment and it backfired, so now your pride would have you wash your hands of the whole ordeal. Well, Lord Landaras, I have a word of advice to you. If you want to be of any real help to the woman who carried your heir, then face up to your actions and don't run away when it gets hairy. If you want to improve relations between your Hold and our Weyr, don't try to hide your mess under the carpet like an errant candidate -- be responsible and take an active role in helping to clean it up.[/b][/color]

Ayeda, who had been listening to her bonded's calm, stern chastisement, was impressed. Apparently Xeal had recovered his aplomb, and with it came all the notoriously diplomatic hybrid's tact. She sent a wave of telepathic affection and approval to her lifemate, and was reciprocated with the purely mental sensation of being enveloped by a loving wing.
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[elainsie]

As Ayeda spoke Landaras silently shook his head, no she was wrong he thought stubbornly. He was to blame and for some misguided reason he wanted her to accuse him, perhaps because then he could feel less guilty over his actions. Her words had done nothing to alleviate his own opinion on the matter but he ignored them. There was no use getting to an argument over it and he turned towards the door, however he had only made it halfway across the room when Xeal's words cut into his thoughts.

His eyes narrowed as the words registered furrows appearing above his eyebrows. No, I don't expect any of you to forget this. But neither do I expect either of you to dwell upon it. It happened, it was a misguided attempt on my behalf and it failed. It was a mistake for if not we would never have been in this position, the miscarriage was nature's way of confirming this. If Landaras was anything it was stubborn. As a child he had nearly always gotten his way, whether by force of character or because of his position as future Lord Holder. It was his greatest weakness however the Lord Holder himself was blind to this fact. And in this instance it was no different. He truly believed the pregnancy should never have occurred, in retrospect, and not even the Duvalia's words, while a little intimidating, would persuade him differently.

I mean no disrespect by my words but surely neither of you want my lingering presence so I am removing myself from the situation. This has nothing to do with what I do or do not think of Ayeda, nor yourself. I am not running away but neither can I see a way to be of any help. I think I have done enough harm, however if either of you can come up with a way to rectify what occurred I am not opposed to the idea. [/i] He had managed to regain some control over his frustration, his mind voice leveling out to a degree but inside he still felt rather churned up.

"So what is it you would have me do Ayeda? Xealnaveth?" [/size]

[Desert]

First and foremost, Landaras, you can stop behaving like a child,[/b][/color] Xeal stated. Do please pull your head out of your hindquarters and listen. You seem to be under the impression that all of this was your fault, despite the fact that Mine has assured you it is not. Now, if you would stop being so defensive due to this unnecessary guilt, then maybe we could get somewhere. It was not your doing that she is ill. It was random chance -- we have come to terms with this fact, and you should as well. Save yourself some grief. Yes, you made a mistake, but as I said a few moments ago, the way to rectify it is to be a man and face up to your error. Don't run away from it and from us. I am fully prepared to block the Lower Caverns' entrance so that you cannot leave.[/b][/color]

Ayeda wasn't sure whether to laugh or to scold her bonded. Xeal, my love, he does have a point.

Yes, but I get the impression that Lord Landaras has gotten his way a few too many times in his life. Not that there is any problem with being right, but forgive me if I feel like showing him that he can't always get what he wants. Besides, MyEda, I know how you feel about him.[/b][/color]

She suppressed a smile. If there was one thing Xealnaveth enjoyed doing, it was taking individuals who thought they were so superior and taking them down a notch or two. He was just as stubborn -- something Landaras was finding out -- especially if it had something to do with His. He'd sensed the fondness his rider felt for him and was determined to sound out how Landaras felt in return -- and he couldn't do that if the man ran away now. Xeal had a hunch, given the emotions he was sensing from the Hold Lord's mind, but he wanted to be sure. The big hybrid was a closet romantic in a way, so if he could find His someone to love, then he would be a very happy duvalia.

"For one thing, Landaras, you could try just being around. You realize that the Weyr by now knows you were the father? It will look bad if, after what's happened, you suddenly distance yourself," Ayeda said, picking up where Xeal left off. And she was right -- it would be very bad for his reputation in the Weyr if he backed out now.
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[elainsie]

Rubbing his hands across his face he expelled an exasperated sigh. The Lord Holder's inherant studdorn nature wanted to argue the point further, it was not very often that anyone could convince him that his beliefs may in fact be incorrect; his greatest weakness, however in this instance he was outnumbered two to one, and perhaps even more so considering one of his opposers was a quite sizeable dragon.

While folding his arms across his chest and adjusting his footing he acceded the point. "Perhaps you are both right." However he wanted to further emphasise the point that he was not in fact running away, but he stopped himself from reiterating as his thoughts took another turn. Despite everything it was clear both dragon and woman wanted him to remain around...and that posed an interesting question, why? With no child in the equation what else did they possibly think he could provide? Yes, he had been wherry-brained to think his role as father could remaineconcealed, anyone with half a brain could count the weeks from his rather public display at the Queen's flight and figure out the conception date, and yet he hardly believed Xealnaveth's intentions to have him remain had anything to do with political reasons or shielding him from unsavoury remarks as to his character. But what did they expect of him?

He shook his head slowly and then realised Ayeda was watching him, and prevented himself from doing so. "I agree it would look less than impressive if I was to sever all communication from now onwards, but surely my current actions have not caused you too much concern over what others would think of me. Which does raise the interesting, and rather perplexing question, of what you do expect of me." Before she could speak he continued on, raising a hand to stop her, "Yes, yes I know you both think I should remain, but how could I help you in doing this?" Landaras realised, only after having said the words, about how rather harsh they sounded. They were friends after all were they not, and surely friends needed no reason other than that to want each other around. But the Lord Holder could not help feeling there was....something else here that he was not privy too. If only he could suss it out before either he was hurt or he unwittingly hurt someone else.