In vain|Spork

[elainsie]

Love. The very notion of it was one Valeena held in contempt. To her the idea was perpetrated about merely as a means to an end. It made people feel better to think they were acting out of love, rather than anger, jealousy or greed. That there acts were noble, and selfless. But was that ever really true, was not love just a term thrown about with abandonment that justifying bedding a person barely knowing or the lust one felt upon seeing another?

It had seemed that way for Valeena's own mother Cera. She had known B'liner what? A month? And when the man left she had said her heart was broken, that the man she had loved had left her. Unfortunately hearing the same sorry tale numerous times over the Turns had worn Valeena down. She highly doubted Cera had ever loved the man. Valeena herself knew she did lot Vesuvian. Oh she was fond of the Lord Holder, even dependent upon him, for she could not become a Lady Holder without him, but love him? No, certainly not. As for Vesuvian's own feelings for her, Valeena could not guess, although she doubted he loved her with the undying love Ballads were written of.

What of a mother's love for her child, or a daughter's lover for her parents? No, Valeena could not say she loved either of her parents. Her father she had never met, and although as a child she had loved her mother, the woman had grated against her as she was older, and Valeena had left at the first available opportunity. She admitted she had loved her own sons, had thrilled to fell the babies kick in her womb. But the first she had showered love on, only to have him sent for fostering once weaned, the second boy she had barely clasped eyes upon before he had been spirited away. And who was to say as they had grown up she would still love them, or they her? The future was an unpredictable thing, and if Valeena was willing to accept that maybe a type of love existed surely it was not the enduring kind.

Valeena realized her thoughts had sent her miles away from the task at hand. She walked quickly to the kitchens to get Vesuivan lunch, knowing that at this time o the day the Lord Holder was usually ravenous. And while she was a drudge, such an irony, the other drudges of the Hold held her with mistrust. They disliked how she carried herself, the way she dressed as if she was better than them purely because she was Vesuvian's personal drudge and kept his bed warm at night. Before they had kept their thoughts in check, but now their eyes bored into her with dislike that Valeena did not even care, and she noticed how the room quietened as she entered.

She easily ignored them, who cared what a couple of drudges thought of her, and asked one of the Bakers for a couple of meat rolls, as Valeena went about getting a late, cutlery and tray, filling the plate up with various delicacies. Adding a cup and a jug of chilled fruit juice she carried the tray back to the Lord Holder's office, careful not let the juice slop over the side onto the food.

When she arrived the great wood door was closed. Holding the tray with one hand she sharply rapped at the door, correcting her hold on the tray as she waited to be called in. Standing as close to the door as she was, she could hear the muffled sounds of multiple voices, the deeper on obviously Vesuvian. But the other? It sounded to high to be male. A female then, but just who exactly? The familiar fear coursed through her. Perhaps he had tired of her, perhaps he had indeed found someone he wanted as a wife, not just a mistress. Or maybe it was the mother of some daughter, finalizing details for the marriage of two.

Valeena hated the constant anxiety and worrying over events she could not control. She disliked having her thoughts constantly jump to worst case scenarios, and how best to diffuse them. Try as she might, and indeed she had tried since her first day at the Hold, Vesuvian would not ask her to marry him. It was almost four Turns later, the better of them she had spent as his mistress, ad still he showed no signs of changing their relationship. There has to be something I can still do, maybe he is just waiting... But it was what he was waiting for that Valeena could not figure out.

[thespork]

Valeena was a lucky woman, for the person he was conversing with was not another lover, but a minor cot-holder who had some argument with a neighbor of his. Mediation was the one part of this job that Vesuvian hated; more often than not he preferred to let the different parties work things out on their own, but this woman had been persistent in her demands to see him. And that persistence he just had to admire. So he had granted her a brief audience with him.

Besides, why would he want another lover when he was perfectly satisfied with the one he had now? And she was readily available to him - no need to go through the effort of finding someone first.

But there was something else. He hated to admit it, even just to himself, but he had grown... fond of the woman during their years of association. She wasn't the pliant, domesticated sort that most Pernese women were bred to be, and she had ambition. Another trait he admired, though that was one of the reasons why he liked to keep her close. Vareena, he knew, might have designs on becoming Lady Holder some day, but he wasn't about to let that happen. Vesuvian felt that he ran the Hold just fine by himself, why did he need another person to help him? If that was the case, then whomever he married would really be nothing more than a glorified drudge. She had also borne him a son (he didn't really count the second one, as the babe was a sickly child, of no use to him) who would one day carry on his legacy, though he wanted not the effort of raising the child now.

Some part of him did wonder how the child was doing. The boy was his flesh and blood. But he usually pushed such thoughts out of his mind. Forming attachments was a dangerous thing, and never led anywhere good. Especially not with someone who would one day take over from you.

Which reminded him. Vesuvian was almost grateful for that knock, because it gave him an excuse to end the meeting early. Against the cotholder's protests, he sent the woman off on her way via the back door. That way, she wouldn't be able to find out if the knocker was really someone who would bring him important business or not. Not that it really mattered in any case. He was the Lord Holder, and if he chose to dismiss her, that was his prerogative.

Once the cotholder left, he let out an audible sigh, leaned back in his chair, and put a leg up on his desk. It was a handsome piece of furniture, and one of his prized possessions. He'd had it commissioned by one of the Woodcrafters who'd settled in the Hold, and while he would never admit it outright to the man, Vesuvian felt he'd done a fine job with it.

Once he was suitable comfortable he called out, "Come in!"

Character: Vesuvian
Word Count: 521
Notes: A bit short, but whatever.

[elainsie]

Valeena took a deep breath, chiding herself over her foolish thoughts, wishing she had thought to pass a mirror on the way and check her appearance. Despite the tight bun she had tied her long, dark hair in this morning it was inevitable tendrils would have escaped by now, framing her heart-shape face.Confidant no trace of her earlier misgivings showed on her face she opened the door. It would not do at all to have Vesuvian know of her petty doubts.

With a smile she crossed to Vesuvian's desk, "I hope I did not interrupt anything," Valeera noticed that Vesuvian's guest had disappeared, obviously through the other door. "I thought you might want something to eat. " The drudge placed the tray on the table in front of the Lord Holder, the meat rolls accompanied with a sharp cheese, some crusty bread and two ripe red fruits that the Southern continent seemed to have in abundance. Valeena then poured a glass of the juice and placed it by the plate, before moving back to the the vacant seat. It still felt warm from its previous occupant. Valeena suppressed the thought, folding out an imaginary crease in her crimson skirt, biting back the urge to ask him who he had seen.

As she sat across from Vesuvian she could not help but feel a certain pride. Perhaps she was not his wife, although she fervently hoped that would change in the not too far future, but at the very least she shared his bed. And it was certainly no hardship for herself, the man was very handsome, and skillfull.

Valeena had not considered Vesuvian's appearance when she first crossed Pern to arrive at his newly found Hold. It would not have mattered if he looked like the rear end of a runner beast, if Valeena was to be honest, his looks were second to his position. However upon seeing the Lord Holder for the first time, Valeena had had to admit that he was attractive. Had her life been a bit different, had she decided to choose a bed-partner purely for pleasure, Valeena would have chosen someone like the Lord Holder, with his dark hair and clear eyes. It definitely made things more enjoyable between the two, and the unwed women of the Hold jealous.

"Having a busy day? Or will you manage to have time off in the afternoon?" This was the closest she would ever come to outright asking him what he had been doing while she was occupied with such tasks as cleaning rooms or doing his washing. Jobs like this kept her from believing she was anything more than a drudge, and she knew it kept the other drudges amused that she was not above such. It was a far cry from the future she had envisioned for herself upon arrival. [/size]

[thespork]

The Lord Holder nodded at Valeena as she placed the tray before him and sat down. He was hungry, in fact, now that she mentioned it. He'd barely had time in the morning to have anything more than a pastry and a mug of klah before being assailed with all the problems and other responsibilities that came with being a Lord Holder. It had honestly surprised him when he had first taken the reigns of Nusa just how difficult being in charge of a group of people. But he had been equally astounded to learn just how incompetent people could be, too. And how childish they could get even well into their adulthood when they should already know better. Honestly, did they have to come to him with every single little problem they had? He had most certainly made himself clear to them as their Lord Holder what he expected from them. And most people had a certain common sense to them. Longer working hours were always demanded. Not only did it make the Hold more profitable in general, but it also kept people out of trouble. Should you take the time to clear that patch of greenery on the land? Absolutely not. The dragonriders had no right to dictate how other folk lived their lives, regardless of the fact that the dragons were supposedly Pern's only protection from the menacing Thread.

The very idea rankled him. Vesuvian was certain that just because the dragonriders said there was no other effective solution to combat Thread that meant there had to be another one out there. It was all just a big conspiracy on their part, meant to keep the people in debt to them and under their control. But he, Vesuvian, was on to them.

He would have to bring that up with D'ron the next time he saw the Talune Weyrleader. Not that he expected D'ron would tell him anything. That man was utterly impossible to work with.

Not work with. No, not if he was being honest with himself. Manipulate would be the better word to use.

Much to his embarrassment, Vesuvian felt his stomach rumble, and he took a bite out of one of the redfruits, savoring it, before answering Valeena.

"Busy wouldn't even begin to describe it." He cocked his head to look at her. "You have it easy, you know. No one ever asks of you to do any sort of complicated task. But when you're a Lord Holder... it's all life or death. Everything must have your immediate and undivided attention. Nothing is not too big of a deal that it can't be pushed off for another couple of hours... or days, even. Every single problem must be dealt with by you personally. No one, it seems, can solve things on their own."

Not that he was complaining or anything. Oh no. Vesuvian never complained about anything.

As for the free time in the afternoon... depending on why the woman was asking, he could engineer it that it could be either way. "Why do you want to know?" he asked. "Do you have some problem that only I can solve too?"

[elainsie]

Valeena raised an eyebrow, she had it easy did she? Is that what Vesuvian really believed? Did he think that perhaps by keeping her as his personal drudge as opposed to marrying her and promoting her to Lady Holder and the tasks it included, that he was doing her a favour? And if it was so much work, why did he not share the load with her. Valeena believed she was every bit as capable as the man, if only he would realise it. She bit back the sharp reply that was at the tip of her tounge, "Easy is a relative term Vesuvian. If you were to be removed from your desk and thrown into the kitchens, I don't think you would find it so easy. And childbirth, something I can attest to that is not a particularly easy task asked of me. Not that it's likely either will happen anytime soon." Pity, it would be an amusing sight seeing the self-assured Vesuvian trying to cut tubers, or knead bread. Her lips curved up slightly at the thought.

"No problem, I was just making an inquiry. I would hate to interrupt your busy day if your scheldue is as packed as you say." Valeena knew that the longer she drew it out the more curious and more accepting of the idea the man might be. She could probably sweeten him some other way, but it would be hard to explain to those who wanted his attention why he was coming from his bedchambers at this time of day. "I have some things to do myself anyway. Not quite as lazy as you must think I am," she gave a wry smile.

And yet she did not. Valeena had cleared her afternoon, doing all her days tasks in the morning, the jobs of a drudge were really too easy for someone like her though she liked to make Veusivan believe she was not avaible to his every whim and that he indeed was not as high and mighty as he made himself seem at times.

The reason for having made herself free? She wanted to see her son. The youngest one seemed to have been forgotten, Vesuvian never mentioned the child and Valeena had no idea what had become of the boy, the thought making her feel guilty that she had made no effort to find his whereabouts. However it was Hold knowledge that their eldest son was fostered, and Valeena had not seen the boy since she had stopped breast-feeding, and that had been some two Turns or so ago. The child no doubt would have no recollection of her, but Valeena needed to see her son, to make sure he was well and that her acceptance of his removal had indeed been justified.

For as much as it had pained her to give the boy away, neither had she protested, knowing that the words of a drudge would hardly be heeded when compared to that of a Lord Holder, whether she was the mother or not. Valeena had not wanted to displease Vesuvian, thinking that a proposal had been merely days away at the time. What a sharding fool I was. [/color]