Last Resort

[Desert]

[[title and lyrics in black from the song Last Resort by Papa Roach.]]

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

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K'dran held Juno's delicate head in his right hand while gently rubbing a cloth impregnated with a light oil that gave off a faint, sweet scent over her with the left. The flit held quite still while her human friend oiled her hide, nictitating membranes closed over eyes wheeling a luxuriant blue, while humming from sheer bliss. K'dran's lips were curved into a slight smile at the spring's obvious enjoyment of this ritual, and took extra care to be thorough so as to draw it out. It was nice, once in a while, to work with a creature that was grateful for his services, rather than expecting him to render them humbly and with no reciprocation, as if he were a mere drudge.

Once he finished oiling Juno's sleek tri-colored hide, the spring took up her usual perch draped across his shoulders, her tail curled loosely around his throat. The little evergreen head spilled over, chin propped against his collarbone, as the hum tapered off into deep, even breathing. K'dran stroked his thumb over Juno's neck, still smiling softly at the dozing fire lizard; just as the blackrider was about to settle back into the chair for a nap of his own, the peaceful moment was shattered by the ominous, smoky mindvoice.

It is about time you finished cosseting that miniscule pestilence. Need I remind you again about those fighting straps? One of the girths is getting worn -- take it to the Tanner. The rest of it could use some maintanence as well, unless you enjoy falling off in the middle of drills.

K'dran glanced at where the jumble of leather hung on the wall, and grimaced at the disrepair it was in. "Ooh, good idea. I probably should do that. While I'm at it, I should see about my boots. These things are ratty enough that I should retire them." The lanky Wingleader stood -- gingerly, to avoid waking Juno -- and scooped the fighting straps off their peg, muttering to himself. "Dharth, you go through harnesses faster than any other dragon I know who doesn't have scales," he remarked distractedly.

The big black was taken aback. His eyes were wide, almost circular as he stared in the direction of the weyr from where he was sunning on his couch, wheeling rapidly with flecks of rainbow iridescence scattered through the color. K'dran sensed the shock radiating from Dharth and paused in the doorway, quirking an eyebrow in the black's direction. "That's the first time I've known you to be speechless, Dharth."

The huge shadow-colored dragon shook his head vigorously. That is the first time I have known you not to complain and rebel when I tell you to do something,[/b][/color] he shot back, wary now. What was the man up to? First, he had come out of his shell and become fond of the jaderider and the two whelps. Then he began to grow some spine and stand up to his dragon's bullying. Now he was actually being responsible? K'dran was changing, developing into someone completely different from the uncaring misanthrope he had been since Impression. It was not something Dharth thought was a good thing. While K'dran had been an apathetic pushover, he had been easy to manipulate and safely cowed so that he was no danger to his dragon or to any of Dharth's plans. Now that K'dran was beginning to act like a proper human being, there was some risk. He'd already dared to strike out once, and if this trend continued, it would only escalate.

For the first time, one of Dharth's plans was backfiring on him. That realization caused the icy blue to creep into the big black's eyes, and a cold rage welled up. That was unacceptable. He had to be in control, had to be on top of everything. It was unthinkable -- how had it gone wrong? Never before had the chain of events he set into motion deviated so much from his plan. Dharth clamped down on the connection between his mind and K'dran's, cutting off his rider's access to his thoughts so he could figure out how this travesty had occurred in peace.

K'dran was perplexed by Dharth's reaction, but once he felt the big black close up, he shrugged it off. Dharth was known to do that every now and then. K'dran had long ago given up trying to figure out the workings of his dragon's warped mind. Since he didn't seem inclined to do much more than brood on his couch, the blackrider went about his chore with a sense of mind relief that he had Dharth off his back for once. His dragon had been rather standoffish and wary of late -- K'dran shrewdly surmised it was because of the rather drastic changes in himself. Dharth didn't take kindly to surprises, especially unpleasant ones, so it was easy to conclude that Dharth was discontent with his rider's new attitude. That much was fairly easy to sense from the black's thoughts and feelings; he couldn't keep the connection closed all the time, after all.

Once he'd dropped the fighting gear off that the Tanner's little cot in the weyrhold, smirking from the journeyman's dismay at the condition of the harness, K'dran decided on a whim to check in on the twins. He knew, by virtue of being a Wingleader, that Rising Tide was drilling today, so that meant that Adria and Kali would be with a creche of other human younglings, minded by some of the weyrfolk, while their mother was busy.

I. Can't. Go. On. Li-ving. This. Way.

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Dharth rumbled a low growl in the back of his throat. He'd gotten it. It had been no flaw of his own that made this plot go awry -- it was K'dran. It would have gone precisely as planned, if only K'dran had kept a proper distance from that jaderider instead of softening toward her. When K'dran had begun getting closer to that woman, it had roused the man from his selfish apathy. Instead of just looking out for his own wellbeing, which was what had allowed Dharth to maintain control, the man started thinking and acting for himself. And that was what sent everything else askew.

Fortunately, it was easily corrected. The reasons for these disturbing changes were Accalia and her mewling whelps, and they were easily dealt with. Once those distractions were gone, K'dran would submit once more to his dragon's will. That might take a bit of adjusting, though -- pesky at every turn, those new bonds with other humans, when severed, would cause him some amount of distress. But Dharth was confidant that K'dran would see the error of his ways. Pain was an excellent teacher. Perhaps, once he had taken the jaderider and whelps out of the picture, he would also rid K'dran of his little pet. Juno was irritating, and not necessary in the least. Dharth had toyed with the idea of killing her since K'dran has first Impressed the nuisance. Juno was part of the problem, as well -- her influence had softened K'dran, and paved the way for the rest of the collapse. It would be an extra reminder to K'dran, when he crushed the man's beloved fire lizard between his teeth, of who was truly in charge.

Satisfaction banished the last of the pale blue and red from his eyes, staining the facets with another distinctive hue: a light seafoam green. Yes, now that he knew what to do to put things back the way they were supposed to be, the big black was in a much more jovial mood. He would truly enjoy this. The two whelps would be easy to kill; both easily able to fit into his menacing jaws. Accalia was the middle of her drills -- it would be simplicity in itself to swoop in and flame Rownith out of the sky, killing the dragon first. Accalia would be so overwrought that he would be able to toy around with the woman a bit before ending her life. A deep chuckle, laden with malicious glee, rumbled up from Dharth's cavernous chest. Doubtless, K'dran would come to confront him about the murders, and what was when he could deal the final blow and kill Juno. Dharth would have to be tolerant of the man's reaction to that, and give him time to get the worst of the grief over with. Humans were such ridiculous creatures, mourning every time one of their own passed, but Dharth knew better than to push his rider too far.

Still without allowing K'dran access to his thoughts, Dharth flowed sinuously to his feet and set off to impliment the necessary corrections. A few beats of his mighty wings had the black behemoth gliding, silent as the shadows his hide resembled, in the direction of the nursery. A baleful hiss escaped his maw when he spotted K'dran approaching the same building -- damn that man! Dharth folded his wings and dropped to the ground, placing one foreleg between K'dran and the building.

The telepathic silence meant that K'dran hadn't been aware of Dharth's approach, so he looked up in bewilderment and no little fear at Dharth's massive head. What he saw made bile rise up in his throat. The behemoth gaped a grin at his rider, his eyes a-whirl with seafoam green flecked with a malevolent red-orange. He still couldn't hear anything from the black, which was a very, very, very bad sign. K'dran blanched in terror as Dharth swiveled his head toward where the younglings were playing. Immediately, he realized what Dharth was up to, and the panic that had held him frozen suddenly melted and was overtaken by a wave of sheer, atavistic rage.

Though its purpose was mostly decorative, K'dran did carry a belt knife, and it was sharp enough to do a goodly amount of damage. Dharth tilted his head back toward his rider, chuckling derisively at the drawn blade. Oh please, K'dran. Do you honestly believe that a flimsy piece of steel like that can do anything to me?[/b][/color]

K'dran gritted his teeth savagely as the mental connection reopened so Dharth could address him, and all the thoughts Dharth had been hiding flooded into his mind. "No. It could kill a human if it got the right spot, and it could do the same to a dragon, but with a monster of your size and abilities would be impossible to hit exactly right."

The black behemoth regarded his rider steadily, a rumbling chuckle full of scorn and sadistic amusement still bubbling up his throat. So, pray, why do you bother to wield it?[/b][/color] It was amusing to see just how horrified K'dran was by his intentions. It might just be worth putting up with him afterward for the chance to witness this spectacle.

Suddenly, the blackrider's demeanor changed completely. The expression on his face smoothed out into a peaceful smile and he stood upright, completely relaxed, though still holding the belt knife in his fist. Even the turbulent emotions roiling within his mind calmed, replaced by utter serenity. "Because, O Evil One, even though it doesn't have a chance against you, it works perfectly well on me!" He deftly flipped the blade around and rested the knife against his throat, the tip lightly pressing under his jaw. His pulse throbbed just underneath, and with every beat of his heart it pushed the skin of K'dran's throat against the keen slicing edge. He smirked at Dharth. "Just a quick slash, that's all it would take. You wouldn't be able to get to me fast enough to get the knife away. And then you would be gone for good!"

The crazed gleam in K'dran's pale eyes boded ill. Dharth hadn't predicted that he would pull this stunt again -- he'd thought he'd cured the man of that notion. The big black's eyes paled until they almost matched the icy hue in K'dran's own irises, though barely noticable were flickering specks of pure white in the myriad facets. K'dran bared his teeth in a triumphant grin when he sensed the undercurrent of fear in Dharth's mind. The blackrider stood unmoving, the knife held to his throat, daring Dharth to make a move. If he tried to take the knife, K'dran would slit his throat before the black could get to him. If Dharth tried to finish the task he'd begun, there would be the same result. But if K'dran lowered the knife, Dharth would immediately make sure his rider couldn't do anything stupid. It was a tense stalemate as both antagonists stared each other down.

Juno, well awake now, had taken off from K'dran's shoulder as soon as she'd sensed Dharth's presence. The spring had circled anxiously throughout the altercation, and now that her human friend and the big dragon were both locked in an impasse, Juno realized the imperative of calling for help. With a final cheep, she blinked between to seek out the only other human she could rely on.

The little flit reappeared among the drilling wing, and quickly landed on Rownith's neck ridge just in front of the saddle. She whistled desperately to get Accalia's attention, radiating terror, and bombarded the jaderider with images of K'dran holding the knife to his neck, and Dharth glaring balefully at his rider. She was frantic to find help for K'dran and to keep all her friends from being hurt by the big mean one Dharth.

Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight,
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

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[elainsie]

Like most new mothers Accalia had been reluctant to leave her daughters in the care of anyone else, despite the creche workers obvious experience with children. And yet, having returned to her duties as a wingrider of Rising Tide had brought about a kind of relief. It was good to be amongst her wingmates once again, to have a conversation with another adult who was not K'dran, to have something else to think about, even if it was for only a few hours. Accalia loved her children, of that there was no doubt, but she also enjoyed her position in her wing and the work that went along with it.

She had been in the middle of a firestone drill, her hand outstretched in preparation to feed Rownith the stone when Juno popped from between and landed somewhat frnatically on Rownith. The images the fire lizard conveyed were a jumbled mess but Accalia could sense the terror permeating from the small beings every fibre and make out enough of what Juno had tried to impart upon her to realise that K'dran's cause was more pressing than this drill.

Rownith, let the Wingleaders know that there is an emergency and we are needed elsewhere, and can you fly as close as you can get to the creche. Quickly. Accalia made the demand of her dragon, preparing herself for the sudden lurch into the sky made by her dragon by grabbing tightly onto the straps. It was quicker this way, flying direct rather than suspending themselves between, but even then Accalia doubted they would arrive fast enough. What had gotten into K'dran's head this time? She shook her own head in consternation as she leapt from Rownith's back, the Jade still several metres form the ground. Accalia dipped her right shoulder downwards so that she hit the dirt at a roll, the impact at a minimum, before quickly righting herself and running the last few paces.

Accalia assessed the scence carefully before saying anything, the knife's close proximity to K'dran's carotid and jugular doing nothing to assuage her fear. His lunatical grin was perhaps worse still, a sign that the madness they had joked about may have actually lurked within. "K'dran," she said softly, trying to intercept the locked stare he shared with his dragon, to get the attention of those peculiar eyes that their daughters had inherited.

She fought back the bile that rose in her throat, swallowing convusively, as she tried to ignore the presence of Dharth, taking a tentative step towards K'dran. Rownith, please return to our wing. You'll be safer there, there's nothing much you could do here except become a target. Accalia willed Rownith to leave the vicinity of this encounter, to spare at least someone the trauma of the situation. Of course that would be of little use should Dharth turn on her and decide to burn her to a crisp, but it made the Jade rider feel better nonethless. The Jade wavered, I can't leave you here alone, you need me, I am more use to you by your side, Mine. But Accalia shook her head vehemantly, Please. Her tone imploring her reluctant dragon, the sound of wings beating an indication that the Jade dragon had heeded her riders request.

With Rownith safely away, Accalia turned back to the situation at hand. She could feel the warm breath of the gigantic black on her back, knew that she risked much more than her own life by interfering, but what else was there? She could not stand by once again, had done so too many times before while Dharth pushed K'dran further and further. The pair of them had involved her in this game whether they had intended to or not, and she was no longer content to be a mere observer. And that knife did scare her, wielded as it was by K'dran. "K'dran," she repeated again, this time her voice louder, more commanding. Without another word she held out her hand, palm facing upwards, an invitation, a way out.

[Desert]

The grin on K'dran's face softened slightly when the blackrider spotted Accalia in his peripheral vision. Still, he didn't turn his head to look at her, knowing that Dharth would use any chance to break the stalemate. "Accalia, stay out of the way," he warned her. His voice was still cheerful, almost giddy, though as he spoke it did carry enough concern for her welfare that he hoped she would heed him.

As the jaderider extended her hand for the knife, K'dran shook his head slightly -- much to the disgruntlement of Dharth, as the keen blade shifted back and forth slightly against his rider's throat. "If I lower this knife, Accalia, it'll all be over. Dharth will be back in control again. He'll kill you and Rownith and the twins and Juno. And this time I won't be able to stop him. You know how Dharth is when he gets angry like this." He gestured to Dharth's icy-looking eyes.

The big black, meanwhile, had actually taken a small pace backward as Accalia stepped between them. The jaderider, if anyone, would be able to at least distract K'dran enough that he could relieve the mad blackrider of his weapon. If you give her that knife and stop behaving like an imbecile, K'dran, I will not harm any of them,[/b][/color] he promised, projecting his mind-voice into the minds of both riders.

K'dran quirked a scornful eyebrow at Dharth. "You expect me to believe that?" He snorted scathingly. "Maybe not anytime soon, but I know you too well, Dharth. One way or another you'll do it. You're too stubborn to give up your little plots once you've decided to go through with them."

I am not stupid, K'dran. This idiotic little stunt has served its purpose. I will not kill them, not now or ever.[/b][/color] Dharth loved life too much to repeat this mistake.

K'dran eyed the black behemoth suspiciously for a moment. He could sense the sincerity in his dragon's mind, and he saw Dharth sheathe his talons and close his mantled wings. The shade of the black's eyes changed as well, the spin picking back up from its sluggish whirl that had almost stopped at the peak of his wrath, while the pale blue gave way to flecks of a less dangerous bloody red. For a moment, it appeared that K'dran took this oath to heart: the tensed muscles all over his body relaxed, and the knife was held more loosely against his neck.

The blackrider dropped his wary expression and aimed a wistful smile at Accalia. He knew that, even though Dharth had promised not to kill anyone, that didn't stop him from hurting them in other ways, and using them to hurt him. To continue to see the black hurt the ones he loved was too much. For Accalia's sake, for the twins, it had to end. Dharth had to go away.

Dharth realized what K'dran was doing, but a moment too late. He couldn't reach his rider in time.

"Tell the girls I love them," K'dran murmured. With one swift, deep stroke, the blackrider pushed the knife into his throat and drew the razor-sharp blade across. The wide gash, stretching from just under the hinge of the right side of his jaw across to almost the other hinge, leaked crimson lifeblood that squirted energetically from the severed artery. K'dran let his knees go slack and collapsed bonelessly onto the ground.

A thunderous bellow ripped from Dharth's scarred chest as he leaped over Accalia's head, landing with both forepaws planted so as to loom protectively over his rider. The massive black head descended and snatched up the bloodied knife, flinging it away, hissing balefully at the instrument. Accalia! You come here, staunch the bleeding. I will call a Healer. Do not hesitate! I will not touch you, I need you to help K'dran. My paws are not nimble enough to give him aid. Come![/b][/color] The big black glared urgently at Accalia, then pulled his head back from hovering it over K'dran's body to give the jaderider room to work.

Healer! Come quickly to the nursery. K'dran has injured himself. Juno, fetch the Healer and bring her here,[/b][/color] Dharth ordered, first jarring the Healer out of a catnap, then directing his glare at the spring flit hovering anxiously nearby. Juno gave a chirp and blinked out.

Dharth clamped his own mind viciously over K'dran's, tightening that vital telepathic link temporarily so he could keep his rider from fading into unconsciousness. It wasn't long before Juno returned, weaving frantic patterns in the air above the head of the slightly confused Healer that Dharth had summoned.

ooc; bah hah HAH i'm so terrible to K'dran. >=D[/font][/color][/size]

[elainsie]

Accalia shook her head at K'dran's request, "I'm not going anywhere, I can't trust you won't do something stupid," she spoke stubbornly her hand still extended outright. "And you heard Dharth as well as I did," she took another step closer, her hand almost brushing against the blackrider. "Please K'dran," her voice was coaxing, trying to appeal to whatever reasonable part of him remained. "He knows as well as anyone that his life is as much at stake here as your own." She fought back the anger she felt towards Dharth for thrusting them all into this situation, her fury would do little to alleviate the tension although it would go someway to making her feel slightly better.

"You don't really want me to have to explain to your daughters how you died, do you?" But she realised she may not have spoken the words, for all the blackrider heeded them. The look in his eyes did not change as he faced off against Dharth.

"By the egg K'dran!" The Jade rider lunged forward as he pressed the knife against his carotid, her quick movement not fast enough to prevent the damage.

"You don't need to tell me what to do Dharth, if you had for once stopped to consider what your conniving little plans would precipitate there would be no need for all this!" she spat angrily at the black as she slipped past his head, clamping her hands tightly to the split artery. She knew she was kneeling in a pool of blood, could feel its warm stickiness soaking through her pants. How much blood could he afford to lose? The fact that Dharth still hovered nearby was a relief, that K'dran was not so far gone.

With one hand she kept the pressure on the severed artery while with the other she pushed back the matted tangle of dark hair, blood having congealed in the mess, from his forhead. "I hate you for doing this K'dran," her voice was bitter, full of a vehemance despite the knowledge the black rider would hear none of this in his unconscious state.

[Desert]

Dharth remained where he had landed, hunched over the two riders, wings mantled and tail lashing in agitation. His eyes were that icy blue again, though the hue was blotched with pure white and streaked with a sickly, acid-yellow color that wheeled so rapidly it was hard to pick out the individual colors. A deep growl was bubbling up continuously from his chest -- a quiet rumble of sheer frustration. As much as he hated losing control, a situation like this was doubly bad, since he could acutely sense as his rider slipped further and further into darkness. And there was absolutely nothing he could do to change it. The big black was at the very limit of his self-control, dangerously close to snapping, but at the same time he held back the impotent rage that threatened to burst out, knowing that with his rider in such a delicate state, now was no time to have a temper-tantrum.

The Healer dropped to his knees, seemingly oblivious to the monstrous black looming above his head and growling ominously. He reached into the satchel at his side and pulled out a wad of bandage material, and a small handful of an anonymous herb. The man scrubbed the herbs between his hands for a moment and added a trickle of water to them, then pressed the moist wad against K'dran's throat. A few deft turns and the Healer wound the bandage around the blackrider's throat -- tight enough to help staunch the blood, but not so tight that it inhibited K'dran's shallow breathing.

"That stuff should help his blood clot up," the Healer explained absently. "Now help me carry him to the infirmary." Letting Accalia grab K'dran's legs, the Healer curved his arms under the blackrider's upper body and stood. Dharth followed them closely, keeping his massive head hovering close above his rider's limp body, still rumbling a low growl. Juno, who had been perched uneasily on K'dran's chest, flitted into the air when her friend was hoisted up and settled for flying in circles around the three humans.

"I really don't like how pale he is. From the looks of it he lost quite a bit of blood before I got here." The Healer sighed in frustration. "It's times like these I rue how much we backslided from the technology the Ancients had." Thanks to the files retrieved from AIVAS near the end of the previous Pass, Pernese Healers knew about blood types and why some people reacted badly when given another's blood, but they still didn't have the technology to actually type anyone's blood to see if they were a viable donor. "Almost there," the Healer muttered, looking relieved as they approached the complex of huts given over to the Healers and their profession.

Dharth parked himself just outside the door. The big black was too tense to sit or lay down; he was so tightly wound, so viciously controlling his temper, that he stood completely still outside the infirmary. Looking for all the world like a huge, dragon-shaped window into between except for the red markings on his hide and the ellipses of his eyes, Dharth waited. There wasn't, after all, anything he could do. So the behemoth was forced to stand by and stew in his own impotence while others tried to save his rider's -- and, therefore, his own -- life.

Oddly enough, it wasn't the fact that he could die that bothered Dharth so much. In the abstract, he didn't fear death. Pern had no religion -- and even if it did, Dharth would be one of the ones to shun it as superstitious idiocy -- so there would be no perdition waiting for him who had wronged so many. Death was essentially an extended journey between, the way he saw it. And as a dragon, Dharth had no fear of between, so it didn't cause him undue distress. What irked him so about this whole affair was that, if K'dran's suicide attempt turned out to be successful, he would have been outmaneuvered by his own rider. The very idea of K'dran, in the end, being able to thwart his dragon's plans was unacceptable. No matter what, Dharth always had to be in control, and he had to have the very last word.

By the time K'dran had been arranged in one of the cots lining the infirmary walls, blood had soaked clean through the compress and stained the bandages red where they covered the gash. Still, the flow had slowed considerably; a clot was forming with the aid of the herb compress and slowing the leak of blood from K'dran's throat. He had still lost a significant amount of blood, and was in deep unconsciousness, inching his way toward a coma. Then, finally, the clot blocked the slice in his carotid artery and the blood stopped.

Outside, Dharth shook himself violently and began to walk slowly away, in the direction of the jungle -- far away from anything that would be bad to destroy. The bleeding has stopped,[/b][/color] he informed the Healer and Accalia. I will stay in contact with Accalia so that I can remain aware of my rider's condition.[/b][/color] The black's mind-voice was terse and stilted, harsh with suppressed rage, ringing mutedly in the two humans' minds due to the tight shield he had on the rest of his mind. Any arrangements in the nature of Wingleader duties, leave to me. If you wish to be excused from your Wing in order to look after K'dran, I will inform Bulgolth and Y'zem for you, Accalia.[/b][/color] With that said, Dharth leaped into the air and transferred between to a place deep enough into the jungle that he could let his anger and frustration have free reign, without being tempted to take it out on the ones he still considered to be to blame for the whole ordeal.

ooc; Melpomene is so spaztastic. >_O
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[elainsie]

Accalia did as the Healer asked without question, however it was certainly not the most easiest of tasks. While she was a tall woman she lacked a build to match the height and the well defined muscles of her lower half did not extend to those of her arms. Grabbing a firm hold on the fabric of K'dran's pants she lifted the man up as the Healer did the same at his torso.

Her eyes avoided K'dran's face, remaing steadfastedly fixed on a spot in front of her as they made their way rather slowly to the Healers quarters. She did not want to feel a shred of pity for K'dran, did not want to have her mind changed for her once again.

It had unnerved her, at first, the reaction K'dran's stunt had evoked within her. Accalia had waited for the shock, or the horror to set in. To feel some feeling other than this all consuming rage towards not only Dharth but K'dran and herself. And yet while she had knelt in the lifeblood of K'dran it never came, instead the anger intensified until she came to the realisation that she had finally had enough. The moment K'dran awoke, as callous as she knew it would be, she would tell the blackrider this.

Dharth's hovering presence did little to alleviate her current mood, and as such she gave no heed to the words thought in response to what had really been a rather considerate suggestion form the great black. I do not want any favours from you, not now and not ever. Rownith is perfectly capable of informing our Wingleaders of the situation. As it is, I am sure it will be only a temporary one at that. Even transmitted through the mind her voice was tinged with the suppressed anger. And i would rather keep any interaction with you to a minimum. Choose someone else to keep in touch with.

She murmurmed some form of agreeance as the Healer spoke, though the words themselves went unheard, this seemingly not bothering her companion in the slightest.

Finally they reached their destination, the pair angling the lanky body of K'dran through the doorway and towards the rather narrow bed. With a sigh of relief she dumped K'dran onto it uncermeoniously, not caring overly much about being careful, after all it was his neck not his legs that had been injured. Reclining against the wall she watched as the Healer conducted a more thorough inspection, tucking her bloodied hands in her pockets. "He's going to live, isn't he?" she asked rather dispassionately, adjusting herself into a more comfortable position.

[Desert]

The Healer suppressed a shudder as Dharth's voice echoed within his mind. He took the big black's word for it -- he didn't want to risk reopening the gash by lifting the bandages away too soon so he could see if Dharth told the truth. Besides, what reason would Dharth have to lie, if it was his rider's life at stake? Granted, he knew that the bond between black and rider was different from that of another pair, but it still meant Dharth's death if K'dran died.

The Healer glanced at Accalia, perplexed and slightly concerned, as the jaderider dumped her burden carelessly and went to lean against the wall. Her uncaring tone took him aback slightly. He had no idea what the relationship was between K'dran and Accalia, nor did he have much of an idea of what went on before he was summoned, but the Healer did know that of the two riders it was not Accalia who was known for being callous and apathetic. "If the bleeding has stopped like his dragon says, then he should be fine. It might take him a while to regain consciousness, given the amount of blood he lost, but he'll come around sooner or later."

The masterHealer then gently unwound the bloodsoaked bandages from K'dran's neck and tossed them into a nearby bin, destined to be burnt along with all its contents. Zaire had taught Eden a harsh lesson about biohazards. Now that he judged it safe enough, the Healer gingerly peeled the herb compress from K'dran's throat, relegating it too to the bin, and bathed the laceration with redwort before winding a new bandage firmly around the blackrider's neck.

The Healer nodded in satisfaction as he scrubbed his hands in redwort. "That's that. He should wake up in... I'd say a few hours. He seems to have avoided going into a very bad case of shock, but there's still a chance that could happen. One way or another I'm sure I will be alerted if that happens," he remarked, glancing in the direction Dharth had taken, "so for now I need to go check up on someone else." He watched Accalia warily for a moment, shrugged and walked briskly out the door toward the next hut over.

Juno, who had been perched anxiously on the table while the Healer worked, jumped down so that she could curl up on her human friend's chest. The spring lifted her head and looked up at Accalia, chirping quizzically, her eyes flecking with a concerned violet when she sensed the jaderider's anger. Juno looked from K'dran's face, calm in repose and streaked with his own blood, to Accalia's controlled expression. Her evergreen head wove side to side slightly -- she wanted to go comfort Accalia, but she was loath to leave K'dran's side. Juno let her little head rest against K'dran's still-pale skin with a heavy sigh, while her eyes' spin became sluggish and the color paled to a dull, sad gray.

Dharth, still among the thick jungle around Eden Weyr, was too irritated to explain to Accalia what he had meant by staying in contact. He had no intention of bandying words with the jaderider, especially when both of them were in foul moods: he would simply keep a tendril of thought touching her mind, picking up surface thoughts, so that he could hear if something went awry. It was a much easier way to get the information he needed, and much easier on him, for he could easily tune out the majority of the jaderider's mental chunnering, instead of having to suffer through dialog with her.

Now that he had uprooted, pulverized and charred a sizable patch of the forest, the black behemoth had worked out the majority of his temper. The rank stench from the smoke curling around his head helped to clear his head. He took off at a leisurely glide, scanning the ground below for a hint of prey. He knew that there was a small flock of wherries running wild around the Weyr; Dharth decided that their population could use some thinning. The native Eastern-bred wherries looked subtly different from wherries in the North or South Continents: a product of the huge expanse of space that kept them from migrating to and fro and a long isolation from the Northern and Southern wherries, no doubt. They all tasted the same in the end, and Dharth rid the wild flock of several of the fattest members before his appetite was sated and he judged his temper to be back to normal.

By the time that Dharth was reclining on his weyrcouch, Rukbat was brushing its belly against the horizon, staining the sky with a rainbow of dusky hues. K'dran's mind had been slowly rising up from the depths of unconsciousness since the sun had begun its descent, and finally his pale eyes fluttered open. Juno creeled in relief and pressed her little head under his chin. He barely noticed the little lizard, too preoccupied with trying to figure out how in the name of Faranth he'd gotten here. It took a moment or three for his memory of recent events to return; when it did, he groaned in despair and frustration. Fate was conspiring against him again and again, it seemed.
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[elainsie]

The Jade rider nodded in assent as the Healer spoke, "I'll remain here until he wakes up. After that I will come find you myself. I don't trust Dharth to do as he says." She ignored the inquiring look his eyes held, instead unpocketing her hands and using the nail of one to remove the dried blood flakes caught between the nails of her right hand. When sufficiently happy that the nails were clean she repeated the process with her left hand, only glancing towards K'dran's form every now and then.

After the Healer had hurried off to his next patient, the hours had dragged on, Accalia's only company Juno and her own churning thoughts. Having removed herself from her position against the wall she had paced the hardwood floor continously, mapping out the perimeter of the room so that she was sure her feet must have left an imprint. Accalia wanted to leave, wanted to find her daughters and hold them tightly against her, to rid herself of this tumultous feeling, and yet she doubted whether she was strong enough to return again.

She shook her head to herself, no she had to do this now, or at least if not now as soon as K'dran woke up. The edge of her anger had een eroded by the hours, and yet the sense of injustice, her resoluteness to go through with it all, still remained.

From time to time a Healer poked their head in, to make sure there had been no changes in K'dran, that the man still remained unconscious. Each time Accalia's discourse was short, the same words repeated to a number of faces that all seemed to blur into one.

Rownith had returned to their own weyr after the worst of the altercation had passed, however not even her soothing words could ease Accalia and after having tried to calm her rider for an hour to no avail the Jade had promptly fallen asleep.

Finally tired of her own incessant pacing Accalia walked to one of the two windows of the room that afforded a look outside. Propping her head on her arm she stared out absently, watching a weyrling class return after a long day's worth of drills and a number of dragons, predominately roans and jades, appear above her from between. She watched as Rukbhat seemed to wearily lower its bulk further downwards, like an old woman whose joints no longer obey her, and almost missed the sound that came from the cot.

Accalia swivelled around, her boot heels slapping the ground as she made the few paces from window to bed, her eyes flicking over K'dran's figure until they reached his face and met his, now open, strange, pale eyes. It gave her a sense of deju vu, how often had she been standing in a similar position, waiting for K'dran to wake up as a result of the damage Dharth had inflicted upon him? She was sure she could count at least half a dozen times, if not more. However there were two differences she could identify this time. The first, it had been K'dran himself who had wielded the knife. And the second? This would most certainly be the last time she presided over such an affair.

"Welcome back to reality. Unfortunately it seems your aim was off, and instead of sending yourself between you somehow managed to remain on Pern. But don't worry, I'll let you grieve over the fact alone in a minute, once I have had my say." With a shaking hand she pushed back her dark hair behind her ear, giving herself a moment to compose her thoughts into coherant sentences. "And don't think about interrupting me. I'll just talk over you." She took two calming breaths and then continued on.

"I've had enough of this K'dran," she indicated the full length of him lying beneath her, her hands drawing an imaginary line down his body. "I don't want a part of any of it, don't want to be dragged into your personal fueds with Dharth." She held up a hand when it seemed as if he was going to speak, "No, let me finish. You continually inform me you are doing this and that to save me and the twins from Dharth, to protect us. By the egg, I don't care. I don't want you as a sacrifice, don't want the burden of that guilt hanging over me for the rest of my life. Do you really think that by killing yourself my life will be instantaneously better? Because if that's so I have greatly over-estimated your intelligence. K'dran, this is not some Terran ballad, and I am not some hopeless woman who needs rescuing time and time again. And because in all the time we have spent together you had not seemed to process this fact, I am afraid this will have to be the end of our friendship. I can't envisage a lifetime of this, and I hateyou for using me as an excuse." Having finally come to the end of her tirade she allowed her eyes to once again glance up at K'dran's face, trying to decipher what effect her words had had upon him.

"You may see the twins whenever you like, but preferably when they are at the creche so I don't have to see you. I won't make any decisions on their behalf, but I hope they have the sense to remove themselves from the same situation. Goodbye K'dran," she bent down and brushed her lips against his own in a chaste kiss, one that spoke of fareweel more certainly than her words did. "We tried," were her last words, before she pivoted on her foot, and took three long strides out of the door.

Once out of view of the room she leant against the nearest wall, her body shaking, a few stray tears leaking down her face. Burshing them away vigorously, she straightened her posture as a Healer rushed past her, giving a sympathetic look. Without another glance at K'dran's room she continued on her way to the creche, to her daughters and solace.

[Desert]

Hearing the hollow thud of boot heels on the infirmary hut's wooden floor drew K'dran's gaze to Accalia. Seeing the expression on her face made the blackrider mentally cringe, and he steeled himself for the tirade he knew was coming. How idiotic that was, how cowardly, how he'd almost given her a heart attack; but her terse opening sentences caught him completely off guard. He knew she'd be angry for him pulling that stunt, but the extent of the jaderider's ire surprised him and left him a bit dumbfounded.

When it sounded like she was building up to tell him that she wanted to take the twins and transfer out of Eden, K'dran started to assure her that he didn't blame her in the least, but she forestalled him. Then, as she got further into her speech, first confusion, then a touch of hurt twisted his expression. No, no, she had it all wrong! Didn't she know him at all? Accalia's last statement was like an electric shock straight to his heart, leaving him unable to move as she bent over to lightly touch her lips to his. All K'dran could do was watch the jaderider stalk resolutely out the door, a look of pained bewilderment etched across his face.

He didn't stay frozen that way for long. Ignoring the fact that Juno had slid off his chest and onto the bed, pressed tightly against his hip, K'dran sat up so that he could drop his head into his hands. What have I done now? he thought despairingly. I've alienated my only friend. True, he was still free to visit Adria and Kali, but the one other adult human he'd ever gotten close to had just flatly told him that she hated him. The blackrider's lean frame shuddered violently; he laced his fingers into his hair and grasped the inky strands in tight fists, as if to rip them out. He gasped in a shaky breath and shuddered again with the effort of suppressing the sobs that clawed at his chest and squeezed his esophagus closed.

Now that you have ceased your friendship, may I please kill her now?[/b][/color] Dharth asked plaintively. After having cooled down, and accepted that the infants, flit and jadepair were off limits, the big black was in a much more charitable mood. Not to mention that his rider's overwhelmingly devastated reaction to Accalia's rant was highly amusing.

K'dran didn't bother to move much, though he shut his eyes tightly and gritted his teeth. Absolutely not! She may have realized how unwise associating with me is, but that doesn't change how I feel. So keep your paws to yourself and get over it. This whole ordeal is as much your fault as it is mine, you realize. If you would tone down the sociopath act and at least try to behave like a relatively sane dragon, none of this would have happened, he snapped. K'dran was long past the point of stoically fighting back the anguish: what else did he have to lose, at this point? He was past caring that this breakdown was a sign of severe weakness on his part -- something that was never a good thing to show to Dharth. Between having failed to end his suffering once and for all and having Accalia reject him, he couldn't go any lower.

Recognizing that his rider had been psychologically pushed too far, Dharth held his tongue. It was a very bad sign that K'dran had hit rock bottom so hard that he was willing to break down in full view: Dharth knew he would have to tread lightly until he recovered a little bit. It irked the big black that such a thing would be necessary, but he wasn't willing to teeter on the knife's edge again.

K'dran ignored his dragon's thoughts and wallowed in his own misery. How utterly Accalia had misunderstood his motivation for that stunt. At that point, as he held the knife to his throat, there was no thought of anyone but himself. He didn't want anyone killed, but the main reason behind that wasn't so much for their lives but for his own state of mind. The motivations had all been purely self-centered, as always. Accalia had overestimated how noble K'dran was. She should have known better to think I'd take my own life just to save her and the girls, he reflected with a bitter snort.

No, it had been an entirely selfish pain that drove K'dran over the edge. Five Turns of constant abuse, both physical and psychological, had worn down his reserves of stoicism. Accalia had gotten a very intimate glimpse of what made him the way he was, but K'dran knew that the jaderider could never truly realize what being bonded to a monster like Dharth was like. She couldn't imagine what day after day, month after month, Turn after Turn of being subjected to Dharth's malicious whims did to a person.

Everyone knew that those bonded to dragons like cyans, blacks and magmas were the unluckiest of beings. Blacks were considered less evil than the other two, being as a rule more possessively protective of their riders and less likely to inflict much severe harm on them. Since the big kings usually chose to bond with boys like them in temperament, and to be more concerned with inflicting bodily damage to their victims, often blackriders had it easier than the Fate-damned cyan- and magmariders. But Dharth was far worse, in many ways, than any cyan or magma, because his subtle conniving inflicted more lasting and insidious wounds. And K'dran was not spared.

A part of him wanted to bring Accalia back so he could explain it to her, but the rest of him rejected the idea. It was entirely likely that she wouldn't believe him; why should she, after all? Besides, she was less likely to be one of Dharth's victims if she cut all ties with the black's rider, so it was much safer for her to not associate with him. It was perhaps for the best that this fiasco showed her just how much of a bad idea it was to be anywhere near a black or blackrider.

That's what he told himself, at least. It didn't do anything to the ache of rejection and loss that was like the agonizing burn of agenothree in his heart, searing, seeping deeper and deeper until it ate away at the last of his tenuous self-control. K'dran choked out a strangled sob, his torso trembling as the racking sobs piled up on one another and made breathing impossible for a long moment; hot, salty tears overflowed from his eyes, streaking down his cheeks in thin ribbons. He slumped forward until he was almost folded double and buried his face in the thin sheet covering him, hands still clutched around fistfuls of his hair.

Juno keened in distress as K'dran broke down. In the little spring's experience, he had never wept. Now, as he sobbed brokenly, his mind radiating despair and self-recrimination, Juno was left out of her depth. She had comforted K'dran when he was sad before, but not since she had come into his life had K'dran fallen so far. Juno knew instinctively that there was nothing she herself could do, that this breakdown had been long in building, but that didn't stop the intensely compassionate little flit from being alarmed by her friend's anguish. She tried draping herself over the back of his neck and humming. She tried curling up next to his cheek so she could dry the tears with a caress from her dainty tongue, but nothing even seemed to alert K'dran to her presence.

So, like she had earlier, Juno turned to the only other human she knew would have a chance of helping. She crawled out from under the blackrider's shuddering frame and jumped into the air, swooping out into the open and looking about for Accalia. Since there was no one but a Healer busy next door, the spring blinked between to the places she thoughts Accalia might be: her weyr, but there was only Rownith. When she tried the nursery, Juno's search was rewarded, and she landed on the jaderider's shoulder with a plaintive creel. She pushed her evergreen head under Accalia's chin, desperately needing reassurance from someone she trusted, and projected the image of her sobbing blackrider friend strongly and clearly into Accalia's mind. The little spring trembled fitfully, pressed tightly against Accalia's neck, eyes wheeling with a mess of anguished red-flecked gray that was stained bruiselike with violet.

ooc; DAMN Melpomene is a spaz lately. >_O;;
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[elainsie]

"How is Wingleader K'dran, I suppose now that you're here he has come round?" These were the first words that greeted Accalia as she stepped into the creche, having hoped to push all thoughts of the blackrider from her mind. However Accalia had not counted on Lenara, one of the creche workers, and her insatiable desire for gossip. It was hardly a surprise that she had heard of the events of the past day, the woman would have made a terrific Harper spy, the way she ferreted out news.

"He's awake, I don't know really know much else," the jade rider finally replied, the other woman's impentrable gaze forcing the words from her, knowing as she spoke the creche worker was studiously looking her over, no doubt noticing the mark of the tears on her face, the tightly pressed lips.

"Please spare me the scrutiny Lenara, I don't have the time or the inclincation for it." Accalia snapped, a rather humourless smile crossing her face at Lenara's double take. Perhaps her time with K'dran had rubbed off, but as the thought occurred she shook her head slightly. No, she did not want to think of K'dran, however as the anger seemed to eb away it was quickly being replaced by a sense of remorse. Accalia tried grasping for her previous fury, but it was like clutching at straws, the more she tried to the more quickly it fleeted away.

Had she been too quick to speak? Perhaps if she had given herself a day or two to think things over she would have reached a different decision, not been quite so brash. But then again, perhaps it had provided her with the push to make such a judgement, to see things with a clarity that usually evaded her. It was so hard to perceive as others did when you were amongst it all, when you had an emotional investment. She knew the Weyr thought her slightly touched in the head with all the time she had spent with K'dran, had wondered over the extent of their relationship.

What they did not know, what they would have found out if anyone had the fortitude to ask, was that Accalia herself could not answer such a question. Did she care for K'dran? She thought she had, had thought they were friends. But if they were friends, if he really cared for her, why would he insist upon using her as an excuse as he hurtled forward on his desturctive path? Why had he not given her the knife instead of slitting it across his throat? Had what she felt for K'dran meant so little to him? The thought left a bitter taste in her mouth, and in that moment Accalia realised where her anger arose from. It was as if he betrayed her, had rejected her, and in retaliation she had rejected him.

Had it made her feel better? Had confronting him and metaphorically slapping in the face gone anyway to relieving the hurt? No, Accalia had to admit to herself. It just made her despise herself that bit more for hurting the man when he was already weakened, for she had seen the haunted look in his eyes, had registered it for what it was. And yet she had turned her back on it, had pushed it from her mind and walked out.

What have I become? She thought, her mouth having fallen open in shock, Since when am I so callous? So mailicious? And yet the answer was not so hard to come by.

"Ah Accalia, are you ok?" Lenara's voice penetrated Accalia's thoughts however it took her a few moments to make sense of the words, to understand where this other voice was coming from, where she was.

Brows creased in consternation Accalia nodded her head sharply. "Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?" her voice sounded unnatural even to herself but she continued. "Can I collect Adria and Kaliara now? I have not seen them since this morning and I have missed them." She slipped easily into the role of concerned mother, hoping Lenara wrote off her peculiar behaviour as a result of it, though fairly sure the creche worker was more shrewd than that.

The creche worker inclined her head, "They were sleeping last time we checked on them, but perhaps they are awake now. Either way I suppose you want to take them back to your weyr, no doubt." Lenara lead Accalia further into the creche where a row of cribs were set up. The twins, now three months old, had been placed together, Accalia's mouth forming a whimsical smile at the sight of her daughters.

While Kali still remained asleep, Adria was awake, her pale eyes meeting the loving gaze of her mother. How can I even think I will forget K'dran when his daughters resemble him so closely? She thought with a mental sigh as she lifted the elder of the twins out of the crib, supporting the babies head as she did so.

It was then Juno made her presence known, but with her hands full with Adria there was no way she could calm the distressed firelizard. The images conveyed were heartrenching, Accalia had perhaps underestimated the effect her words would have, and yet she was resolute.

"I'm sorry Juno, I can't come. Not this time. I tried to help and I failed, K'dran did not want or need me." She realised Lenara was giving her another strange look, obviously thinking Accalia a bit odd to be talking to the firelizard as if she could comprehend the words. Lowering her voice she murmurmed, "I just can't do it anymore. You have to help him as best as you can on your own." Accalia hated the reproachful look the firelizard gave her but was determined not to be guilted into anything she would regret later. Instead she turned her attention back to Adria, willing Juno to unwrap herself form around her neck and return to K'dran.

[Desert]

Juno pulled her head back to look Accalia in the eye, whimpering plaintively at the jaderider. She didn't know what to do to help K'dran, and Accalia was the only other one she knew to turn to. Now the little spring felt almost betrayed, as the one she counted as a friend to nearly the extent K'dran was suddenly deviated from normal behavior and refused to help. She creeled, begging, unwilling to move from the jaderider's shoulder. She knew, without a doubt, that Accalia could help comfort the heartbroken blackrider. Why was Accalia saying no? Did Accalia not care anymore?

Juno looked down at the infant in Accalia's arms. She extended a paw toward Adria and allowed the babe to curl her chubby fist around the proferred paw, much like K'dran would lay his finger in his daughters' hands, just to feel the reflexive strength in their hands. Juno glanced back up at Accalia. Juno adored the babies, but she also liked visiting Accalia and Rownith too. Rownith was a nice dragon, much nicer than Dharth. Did Accalia not want to see Juno either, anymore? Did that mean she couldn't visit anymore? Juno didn't want to stay away. She loved Accalia and Rownith and Adria and Kali. She loved K'dran too, and she didn't want him to hurt.


Unaware that Juno was trying to plead his case with Accalia, K'dran was still slumped foward on the cot, contemplating his latest mistake. He'd been idiotic and selfish, and now it had cost him dearly. Perhaps Dharth was right, in a way: it was the attachments he'd formed to the jaderider and their offspring that was the cause of all this heartache. Not that it meant that Dharth could seek retribution, not in the least, for K'dran still cared for all three of them. But K'dran saw that it wasn't the fault of the jaderider or infants: they didn't force him to let down his walls. The blame lay with him, for being an idiot and stepping out of those protective barriers he'd built up around himself.

And it was also his doing that caused Accalia to so forcefully reject him. She may have misconstrued his intentions, but the fact remained that if he hadn't pulled that stupid stunt right in front of her, she wouldn't have been driven to act as she had. Now, thanks to his monumental idiocy, he'd alienated his only friend.

In the short amount of time he'd known the jaderider, he'd come to value her friendship highly. Being such a misanthrope, and being bonded to Dharth, led him to be quite deprived of any warmth and affection in his life; therefore, he didn't take his friendship with Accalia for granted. It might have been his fault for being so emotionally challenged that he couldn't make that any clearer to her; that could be the reason she misunderstood why he did what he did.

Come to think of it, reason and logic had flown out the window long before he plunged the knife into his throat. There had been only the desire to be rid of all the torment, of all the pain. If it meant also being rid of the new-found love, so be it. For too long he'd had to put up with Dharth; too many Turns of taking the pain -- physical and mental -- and the humiliation, of being toyed with like a mere child's plaything. What man who was sane to begin with would be able to suffer through such torture without getting to the point where he couldn't take any more?

Gradually, K'dran's eyes produced no more tears and the sobs faded. He pulled himself back up and propped his elbows on his thighs, staring blankly at the wet, tear-stained ruffled sheet. What was there left to do? Dharth had sworn not to kill his loved ones, but not for a second did K'dran believe him. Like all sociopaths, lying came as easily as breathing to the big black. But that mattered less, now, that his friend was a friend no longer. True he could visit Adria and Kali, but they were babies still, and his relationship with them was far different. They were still young enough that as long as someone fed them and changed them, they were content. They couldn't fathom the concept of father or mother.

Maybe it was better if they never got the chance to get to know their father. K'dran snorted, his lips twisting into a bitter smirk. Accalia had made her opinion of that notion unequivocally clear, but there was this. She had broken off all ties of friendship, so why should he care what she thought? If she thought him so masochistic that he deliberately provoked Dharth so he could receive the punishment, then it should come as no surprise if she was told, one day in the near future, that the Black Sun Wingleader had killed himself, taking dragon and fire lizard with him.

A part of him, the vengeful part that Dharth's presence had cultivated, felt vindicated by the possibility. If she still cared for him despite her recent declaration, then she would grieve for his passing. Tit for tat; she had hurt him first by casting him out of her life, so why not return the favor?

The rest of him quickly shook that idea away. He was no Dharth. It was infantilely petty and cruel, to get some satisfaction from that vindication. It would make him no better than the masochist she thought him, anyway.

But, again, what did he care? He'd gone through most of his life not giving a flying rodent's nether regions for what others thought of him. Besides, once the deed was done, he would be out of reach of any further harm anyone could do. Even Dharth. That fact alone made the proposition sound better and better.

The black in question had been listening warily to his rider's thoughts, and felt it prudent to interject. K'dran, you are singularly dense. Can you not learn from past mistakes? Kdran![/b][/color] The black's eyes flashed yellow again and the blackrider looked about the room for a suitably sharp impliment. There is a reason the Healers lock their surgical equipment away -- it is idiots like you.[/b][/color]

Partly because he was too absorbed in tracking his rider's thoughts to remove it and partly because he wanted extra insurance in case K'dran got any more ideas -- like right now -- Dharth had left the temporary connection to Accalia's thoughts in place. He became agitated enough trying to persuade K'dran that the connection opened enough for the jaderider to hear what he was saying to K'dran.

"I don't necessarily need something especially sharp," K'dran remarked to Dharth absently, "blunt object trauma is sufficient." In fact, blunt object trauma would be necessary in order to impliment what K'dran had in mind. No more playing around with a knife, he needed to make sure there was no chance of reviving him. And brain damage was impossible to repair with the technology available to Pernese Healers.

K'DRAN! Stop this foolishness at once![/color][/b] Dharth lurched up from his couch and flapped quickly through the fading twilit gloom toward the infirmary hut that held his rider.
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[elainsie]

"There's nothing I can do, even if I did want to," Accalia muttered to the firelizard, drawing a long, finely boned finger done the downy skin of Accalia's cheek, pretenging for the sake creche of Lenara who still hovered nearby, that she was murmuring sweet nothings to her daughter. And yet Juno was not taking no for an answer. Why would the firelizard not just leave, didn't K'dran need her? Or Lenara, surely she had other charges to tend to? Ideally Accalia wished both would leave so she could have a moment to compose herself before entering back into the hall and the public eye of the Weyr.

The multi-faceted gaze of Juno however held her entranced, the constant stream of images pouring from her tumltous mind into the Jade rider's own, causing wave after wave of guilt to wash through her. If only it was so simple to block out the images as she wished. Facing the effect her words had had upon the blackrider, even through a slightly altered transmission, was not a partcularly pleasant experience and yet she had to remain steadfast, had to put distance between herself and K'dran so she could remain sane. "Please Juno, go. I can't do anything for him anymore. He brought this upon himself," her voice was rather shrill, breaking on the last few words.

Lenara placed an arm around Accalia's shoulders, perhaps in comfort or perhaps in the pretense of doing it so she could better learn what gossip was to be had. "If you have to go Accalia, it's not a problem. We don't mind looking after the twins at all, they have never been a problem," but Accalia shook her head and in doing so removed the woman's arm from around her. "No, no, thank you, but the only place I intend to go now is back to my weyr."

Shifting the weight of Adria onto one arm, Accalia fumbled at the pouch tied around the loophole of her weyrhide pants. Without looking at the denominations, she dropped a number of marks into the woman's hand, "Thank you again for looking after them, I'll be back in two days time when I have my next wing drills."

Deftly Accalia bent down to pick up the still slumbering Kaliara in her right arm, Adria nestled close to her chest and held their snuggly by her left. With her arms full of both twins, and Juno adorning her shoulder like a rather gaudy and unqiue necklace, Accalia made her way as quickly to the hall as she could.

As she walked along she ignored the curious stares directed at her and barely stopped to reply to those who had queries of her, giving one worded answers in reply. In reality most of those she passed showed only concern from her, but in her mind Accalia felt as if there gazes were accusatory, questioning why she was not with K'dran, why she had left him now when it seemed perhaps he needed her most.

With a sigh of relief she reached her own ground weyr, and placed the twins on a thick rug by the side of her bed. Sinking down to join them on the floor, legs crossed akimbo beneath her, she finally had a free hand to stroke the anxious Juno, hoping the action alone would be enough to calm the firelizard before she returned to K'dran. However it seemed the Spring was not content to be merely petted instead grabbing a rather large amount of Accalia's dark hair between her maw so Accalia was focred to jerk her head and meet the yellow tinged, fast whirring eyes of Juno.

"I know what you want me to do, but I can't." She said exasperatedly, forcing her head away in the direction of her daughter, and losing a number of dark tendrils in the process.

"By the egg, I know I am going crazy," the exclamation rang through the still weyr, Accalia cradling her head between her palms. "Neither of you could have any comprenhesion or inkling or what is going on, for Faranth's sake your only three months old, and yet I could swear you're both giving be accusing glaces too." Was this what she was going to have to live with for the rest of her life because she chose to abandon K'dran? Constantly believing everyone was silently judging her for the decision?

However it was the dissolution of the barrier between her mind and Dharth's that proved the catalyst for her next actions. Having not known the black was keeping a tentative link on her mind, she assumed that Dharth had made her privy to his converse to K'dran, it seeming for perhaps for once Juno and Dharth shared the same goal.

As she heard the words spoken, understood what it was K'dran intended she knew she could no longer try and shut it out, could not remain on the floor attempting to play with her daughters while the Black Sun Wingleader made yet another attempt on his life. She never had been able to sit idle while Dharth flamed K'dran, had come running when Juno had asked for her earlier and it seemed now was no different. Despite everything, try as she might to separate herself from K'dran and Dharth, she was ineroxable pulled towards the blackrider time and again, as if he was the strongest magnet, her polar opposite.

Scooping the babies up with an easiness that had been learnt over the previous months she spoke to Juno, "You win. I am going now, but you should return to K'dran to make sure he does not do anything stupiud until I get there. Ok?" And Accalia waited for the firelizard to disappear between before retracing her steps as quickly as she could with the burden of two small girls.

She reached the entrance to the part of the infirmary that housed K'dran at the same time as the Healer who had tended to him before. "Please, can you give me half an hour alone with him? That's all I need. If there is any change in the time I am there I will send for you straight away, I promise." She gave her most charming smile until he noticebaly relented. "Half an hour it is," he nodded his head to confirm this. "I am sure he would rather see those two adorbale daughters of his than me anyway," the Healer spoke before moving onto the next set of rooms.

Using her hip and shoulder to push open the door, Accalia crossed over to the bed K'dran occupied, placing Kaliara in his arms while keeping a firm hold on Adria. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed her dark eyes scrutinised the black rider, taking in his wretched appearance, the tell-tale tear tracks on his cheeks.

[Desert]

Juno clung obstinately to Accalia's shoulder. She knew that the comfort she could offer K'dran wouldn't do much to assuage the anguish that flooded the blakcrider's mind, so she was determined to try and bring to him the thing she knew would help. She couldn't help herself: Juno was a spring, a motherly, compassionate little thing. If she saw someone in pain, she wanted to take the pain away. Especially if it was one of her friends like K'dran or Accalia.

As the jaderider strode through the gathering darkness into her weyr, Juno remained pressed against her neck, with one forepaw still in Adria's plump little hand. When Accalia rested the twins on the floor and used her freed hands to soothingly stroke her hide, in frustrated desperation, she little spring tugged at a few strands of Accalia's hair. Accalia needed to come! K'dran needed her! Why wouldn't Accalia help him?

Then the spring felt Dharth's mind-touch to Accalia, and creeled in intense relief when the jaderider relented. Not needing to be told twice, Juno promptly betweened back to the infirmary. She landed on K'dran's shoulder and wrapped herself firmly around his neck, much like she had Accalia, and gave the man a sound scolding for being so silly. When he turned one red-rimmed eye to her, Juno shoved the image of Accalia with the twins promising to come help eagerly into his mind.

K'dran had been unable to find an object suitable for his purposes, but the ever-resourceful blackrider had found another way. In his hands he held a small container of a common remedy that, when applied topically, was a useful cure for common ailments like infection. But, like some of these substances tended to be, if ingested the stuff was toxic. He had been staring at the pot with a blank expression, as if willing it to burst apart and pierce his chest with shrapnel.

After finding the possible route of escape, K'dran had suddenly lost the crazed desperation that had driven him over the edge before. He had already overstepped the boundaries, after all. There was no farther to fall. So what was the use? No matter what he did, there was only pain in the future. Even if he was dead, it would cause pain to a few others. There was just no escaping it. There was no point to going through with it; there didn't seem to be a point to anything anymore. His despair had changed slightly, from the frantic agony to a pessimistic morbidity.

K'dran had been about to put the pot back where he'd found it and try to doze off, when Juno returned and brought her news. If she had come much earlier, before he'd been overwhelmed by the superfluity of it all, he probably would have been relieved and frantic to try and work through the misunderstanding. But now, he didn't want anyone to try and make him see sense. He just waned to be left alone to wallow in his misery and shrink back into his misanthropic shell. Life would go back to the way it had been. Time would pass as it always had, and he would die. Around him, the rest of Pern would barely notice the passing of one blackrider. Life sucks and then you die: end of story.

Resentment flared up within him. K'dran gripped the little pot tightly in his fist and, in a spate of fury, launched the thing with all his might against the far wall, where the pottery jar shattered violently and splattered its contents far and wide. Juno creeled in alarm at this sudden change in her friend's demeanor and jumped off his shoulder, perching warily on the table next to the cot, watching K'dran with a range of colors blotching her eyes. K'dran payed little attention to the spring.

Sensing that K'dran was over his suicidal mood, Dharth relaxed. He had been standing in front of the little infirmary hut, watching his rider through the window; he pulled his head back sharply as a bit of the salve sprayed through the window and narrowly missed one of his jeweled eyes. A quiet, rumbling chuckle bubbled up from the big black's chest as he turned to stroll leisurely back to his couch. This was more like it! K'dran, in his maddened state, would give the jaderider a tongue-lashing that would drive a further wedge between them. Then he would revert back to his former misanthropic self, safely under control, and having hopefully learned a lesson about letting another being behind his emotional walls. What had started out as a disaster was turning out to be favorable, after all.

K'dran saw a Healer approaching and clenched his jaw, ready to tell the man in no uncertain terms that he could just turn around and take himself right back the way he came, but Accalia beat him to the clutch by accosting the masterHealer before the man got a chance to set foot past the threshold. He noticed two chubby bodies tucked into the jaderider's arms and swallowed hard, narrowing his eyes as he glared venomously. That was a dirty tactic, bringing the twins. He'd have to have words with her about that. Dharth, hearing that thought, chuckled again and rapped his tail against a nearby tree trunk in amusement.

K'dran ignored his dragon and continued glaring at Accalia, even after she deposited Kali in his arms and sat down on the edge of the cot. "Well?" he demanded. His voice was raspy and rough from his recent bout of weeping, still uneven; K'dran even detected a slight shake in his voice, though it was hard to tell. His throat had begun to close up again. The blackrider swallowed hard against the lump and clenched his jaw, fighting back the hurt that welled up in him at Accalia's reappearance. "Not very long ago you told me you'd rather not see me again -- not for the first time, mind. So why are you darkening my door?" To mask the pain he felt from her rejection, K'dran allowed a bit of savagery to creep into his tone.

"I just can't believe that Dharth would so conveniently contact you the moment my thoughts take a turn, when he is convinved that it's your fault I've been acting the fool. Nor that you let Juno's pestering change your mind." He snorted scornfully. "So what's the deal? Are you taking a page from Dharth's book and rubbing it in some? I didn't think you were that malicious." A childish thing to say, perhaps, but K'dran was angry and hurt enough to be a bit vengeful.

Juno slithered down from the table and padded across the cot, watching her blackrider friend carefully, still very concerned for him. Everything was wrong now. First K'dran was hurting a lot, then Accalia wouldn't come help. Then K'dran got very mad at Accalia when she finally did come to help. Was everyone going crazy today? She crawled into K'dran's lap and draped herself across Kaliara's little body, soothing the restive infant and in turn taking comfort from the one thing she could still fix.
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[elainsie]

"And hello to you too K'dran," Accalia replied acerbically, holding Adria tight against her to conceal the way her hands trembled. "Glad to see you're in such fine spirits. As to why I am here," she gave a nochalant shrug, "I don't know. I suppose I had a miraculous change of heart, I decided that my life would be dark and meaningless without you in it, so I have come back begging you for forgiveness. Is that what you want to hear?" Her eyebrows rose high up her forehead in question, a wicked smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "No? Well then lucky that's only one excuse amongst many that I can come up with."

She looked around the room, eyes locking onto the smashed jar of some powder. Her dark gaze travelled back to K'dran, "Threw a tantrum did you? Feel better for it?" her voice maintained the conversational, almost taunting tone that was highly unnatural coming from Accalia. The jade rider regretted bringing the twins along at that moment. That they could not understand the words being exchanged mattered little, Accalia felt it was wrong to argue with K'dran in front of them and yet the blackrider seemed to have no such qualms.

"Hmm interesting choice of phrase. Darkening your door. See for one, I don't believe this is your room, or in fact you are posession of anything within said room, and second I'm hardly darkening anything. In fact I think by bringing the twins along I am rather lightening the macabre aura that is lingering around you." She gave a mocking glance over K'dran, a smile to match. "Yes I sense you are marginally better off for holding Kali, not to mention with your hands full it's unlikely you can find any implement to try and top yourself again. But perhaps it is better if neither are here to witness our altercation. I am sure you would not want to sully their minds at such a young age." Crossing over to K'dran she scooped Kali out of his arms, before exiting the weyr.

Lucikly there were a number of bored apprentices not far from the door who were only too willing to look after the twins for a shared half mark. With Kali and Adria safely ensconced in the arms of two of them, Accalia returned to the room, closing the door behind and pushing the lock into place. Leaning against the door she surveyed K'dran once more, arms folded against her chest. "Rubbing what in?" Her voice changed from mocking, to serious, her eyes narrowing. "What do you think I am trying to prove?" She closed the distance between herself and K'dran once again, and climbed onto the end of the bed so that she knelt somewhere near his concealed feet.

"You know for someone who supposedly doesn't care about anything, you're doing a rather poor job of remaining aloof. Because for all your harsh and biting words at the moment, if you really did not care why the outburst of emotion when I left? Why the frosty reception now that I have 'darkened your door,' to borrow the phrase?" She shook her head slowly. "And yet you don't want my help, how often have I tried only to be shoved away. I can't deal with someone who only wants me when they can't have me, and who has no need for me when I am there. But at the same time, I can't leave. You saw how long I lasted before. And it's that which makes me despise you, I can't shut you out even when I want nothing more than to do so." Accalia bit down hard on her trembling lip, her chest rising and falling quickly as her breath quickened, fighting the tears that welled up.

I will not cry, I will not cry... she repeated the litany inside her head, not wanting to make herself look the fool in front of K'dran, despite the evidence that he had shed his own tears not long before.

[Desert]

K'dran held his silence, clamping his teeth viciously together to keep more harsh words from flying out, and to keep the resentful anger born of pain from taking hold of his tongue. He was beginning to revert more back to his former self: lashing out with anger in respose to being hurt, reigning in his emotions and locking down. It was human nature to fall back on habitual reactions when faced with adversity. But something kept him from completely clamming up; still languishing in the very deepest emotional trough, he just couldn't gather up the strength.

Accalia's mocking demeanor did little to help. So uncharacteristic, it flayed his already shaky control, cutting deeper into the already bleeding quick. He continued to say nothing, knowing that if he tried speaking with his control as tenuous as it was, it wouldn't turn out well. What hurt the worst, at that point, was that it seemed like a double betrayal. First she cast him aside, then just when he had gotten the worst of his grief over with and had begun to consider moving on, she showed back up, and had to act like this.

K'dran didn't think an argument like this over their heads would affect either of the twins much: at only three months of age, neither of them had much of a grasp on language yet, much less the complex and abstract topics their parents would be discussing. Still, he didn't object when Accalia reached over to pluck Kaliara out of his arms, though Juno chirped indignantly for having her nice warm baby mattress removed. The spring settled back down on K'dran's lap, her neck draped over his right forearm while her tail was coiled around his left, still keeping one violet-streaked eye on both riders.

K'dran took the brief window of time during which Accalia hunted up temporary babysitters to try to impose a measure of stronger control over himself, though he met with minimal success. There was still too little left, among the shards and scraps left over by his snap and ensuing breakdown, to make up more than a stopgap measure.

When Accalia reentered and perched on the end of the cot, the blackrider took a deep, steadying breath. At least she had dropped that mocking tone that ground yet more salt into the wound. "How in the wide, wide world should I know what you're 'trying to prove'?" he retorted. "I'm no Dharth who eavesdrops on people's every thought. And if you must know, I gave up trying to remain aloof several hours ago." K'dran quirked one eyebrow slightly; it was a shallow imitation of his usual scornful expressions. If given the slightest chance, he would probably drop the attempt to keep his back up and maintain the hostility. His control was uncertain enough that he had to pause, closing his eyes and grinding his teeth savagely together in order to keep his composure.

When he reopened his eyes, Accalia looked close to tears herself. Seeing that banished the last of that defensive anger from K'dran's mind, and left in its wake only despondency and sorrow. K'dran heaved a deep sigh; that simple, drawn out exhalation seemed to express far more eloquently than words his emotional state. Yep, I'm an idiot. He looked down at Juno's little tri-colored form and met the spring's sad gray gaze. He couldn't look at Accalia and keep himself from breaking down again.

"I know this is way too late, but I'm sorry," he murmured. "For everything. I'm sorry that you got sucked into this mess. I'm sorry that I'm such a defective person. I'm sorry that you can't escape." K'dran's voice became thick with unshed tears, and his shoulders began to tremble. Juno lifted her neck and tail from her friend's arms as he bent them to once more drop his brow into his palms. "It's better for your sake and for the sake of our daughters that you just walk back out of this room. Keep on hating me and forget about everything else." He had to pause and swallow hard. "If it's any consolation, which I doubt it is, it's just as hard for me. Maybe harder considering that I've still got Dharth to deal with." He wanted to add more -- something to the effect of urging her to walk away without a glance back, take the twins, and try her best to avoid him. Maybe even leave Eden. He wanted to, but he couldn't. The blackrider bit his lip, almost drawing blood, and struggled to keep his stinging eyes from disgorging their salty tears; to no avail.

Juno creeled unhappily. Now he was crying again! She climbed onto his shoulder and wound her little body tight around her friend's neck, eyes blurred with yellows, reds and purples that streaked through the undertone of gray. Her world had been turned upside down and inside out so much over the past few hours that the little spring was too bewildered by the turn of events to do anything more than cling to her grieving human friend and share in his pain. She didn't even bother looking to Accalia this time: it hadn't worked at all the last time, after all.
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